A sense of duty may be conflicting at times….

Surprising as it may seem at first, I feel that a strong sense of duty can be conflicting sometimes. This is especially true when loyalties change, for example after marriage. Your spouse expects that you have to be more dutiful towards him/her vis-a-vis your parents, siblings and other close relatives. For you, that is tricky. The worst part is when your spouse has some friction with your relatives on any ground, even if it is not translated into open apathy. You know that your spouse does not like some of your relatives, and you are also aware that he/she does not want you to continue with the affection that you have poured on the concerned relatives throughout your life. In such a scenario, you have to choose between your life partner/your love and your relative, who has loved you since your childhood and in some cases even brought you up. You find it difficult to dismantle the love that you have received for 30 years in just 1 month, simply because your spouse does not want it.

However, if your partner really loves you, he/she would never stop you from loving a relative with whom he/she is not comfortable. He would trust you and assume that you would give him/her a fair deal, understand him/her as a person, and believe that you would back him/her uninhibitedly anyway. He would also know that you love him/her, and that duty would run smoothly only if love greases its wheels. Otherwise it would be a friction. In that case, you have the onus of living up to his/her trust that he/she has bestowed upon you.

Undoubtedly this is a very trivial issue and many would say that is a complete non-issue, but human nature is such that such apparently “petty” matters can destroy families, especially in today’s world of inflated egos, and sensitive minds. One should be extra careful and sensitive if they do face such a scenario.

The best thing for you however is again to follow the lines of the Bhagwad Gita – “If you are unsure about which path to take, whom to support, when your relatives are at war amongst themselves, go with DHARMA, the path of righteousness and truth. Be free from all jealousy, greed and lust so that you can distinguish between good and evil, and choose the good over evil. There is no bigger sin than to be NEUTRAL at a juncture when you have to choose between your loved ones based on their deeds. Take the side of TRUTH even if it is at the expense of a blood relation.”