“Oh God,
During the last year, I have tended to lose myself as an individual. I have lost self-control. I know that I should not be shouting at people. I know that I should not be using slangs, no matter how high the provocation might be. I know that I should not be insulting people. I know that I should be respecting people with dignity. For most of the time in my life I have followed every bit of these. Suddenly I have lost it.
As a result, my upbringing is being questioned; the education I have received is being treated with suspicion. Last week, one of my most treasured well-wishers aroused this realization that I had to be careful in the future, so that I could command respect. I started to understand the caveat and implement it accordingly, but again I seemed to have forgotten it today. I have always wanted to make my mom proud, but today I have bowed her head in shame once again.
I read the holy books. I know how you have defined DHARMA. I know how your esteemed devotes should carry themselves in life. I try but I cannot do it all the time. When I do follow your path, I gain admirations, adulations, praise, respect and success. When I stray, I gain nothing but brickbats and disrespect, harsh words and curses. When things calm down, the burden of repentance becomes unbearable. I feel like hiding myself forever. I lack the courage to even ask for forgiveness from the concerned persons.
God, you know what I am. Please help me to get back my true self, who would allow me to create my own dignity every time, and not just sometimes. Please help me to behave in a manner that befits my respect towards you, which befits my lineage to my respectable family and the venerated institutes that I have gained education from. Please help me to be tough, like I have been when you took away baba from me. Please help me to be independent, emotionally and materially, like I have been throughout my life. Please help me to remain a strong devotee of yours forever.
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