If you hurt somebody, then have patience and mend his heart….

In my previous post, I had written about how harsh criticism, especially from somebody who you love and respect, can be so damaging to you psychologically. It would really test your self-belief to the brim to get back to your normal confident self. In that post I had talked from the perspective of the victim of the criticism. Today, I would say something from the point-of-view of the perpetrator.

If you have criticized somebody dear to you very harshly, hurt his/her ego in a fit of anger in spite of loving and respecting him/her under normal circumstances, then you know that it would be very hurting to him/her. In that scenario, he/she may react in many ways. He/she may hurt you back, may shout at you for no reason or, if that person is extra sensitive, then he/she may not even talk to you for a while. That period would be very difficult for you to handle.

Under such circumstances, I would say it would be best for you to speak to him/her in very sweet and friendly terms, and have some patience. Even if he/she does not pick up your phone, or does not reply to your sms, or declines to meet you in person, just persist with your sweetness. Express feelings which suggest that you are really sorry for what you have done. Sending ecards, cute sms, or whatever that person likes is a very good way to mend hearts. A very natural feeling for you is to get frustrated because you cannot improve his/her mood after the incident, but you should never indulge in it. Remember that all your efforts are towards getting back the person you love so deeply. With time, even the other person would realize that whatever you had said was not meant to hurt him/her but only an expression of your bad mood on that particular moment. He/she will forgive you eventually and things would get back to normal.

However the lesson to be learnt from such incidents is that you should never hurt the ego of your loved ones, and make general statements about their character, even at extreme situations. For example, you can always say that “You have behaved very badly today” but you should never say that “You are very rude and insensitive.” Sensitive individuals with a high degree of self-esteem tend to remember such words for a long time, which might be detrimental to any relationship.