A Common Entrance Test for admission to colleges……

A proposal to conduct a common entrance test for admission to all central universities at the undergraduate and post graduate level has been mooted. It seems that even senior ministers of our government are backing it. Irrespective of the specialisation that the student wants to adopt, the test would be same for every student and it would test aptitude skills.

Right now, there are some colleges which conduct entrance tests for admission to undergraduate courses, but they are strictly related to the specialisation being adopted by the student. This is in addition to the weightage that they give to 12th standard results. Although the importance of aptitude in modern day education cannot be overemphasized, still there are many students who have a special flair for a particular subject, especially languages, which they cannot reproduce in an aptitude paper. Hence if the new policy gets implemented, it is these students who would get affected and eventually lose out.

I guess that it would be very difficult for the universities to design a single aptitude paper that can test the cognitive abilities of students across so many disciplines and interests. Students opting for science or commerce backgrounds would be properly judged but I do really have my concerns for the language streams. The idea of a centralized and standardized admission procedure is a very prudent one, but I guess it has to be really fine tuned by the concerned authorities before being implemented. After all, we are talking about the careers of so many bright young minds which would be at stake.

Developing friendship in romance is very important….

Many of you would have heard the lines of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, when SRK says that “Pyaar dosti hai”, which means that “Love is nothing but the culmination of an extreme form of friendship.” This is so very true.

When they do fall in love, the first thing that most couples forget is the aspect of friendship in their relationship. Even I forget it sometimes. I have seen, and also heard that the best of couples, who stay together for 50 years or more or till one of them dies, are also the best of friends. There is no tension, tremendous honesty, no hiding of facts and lots of happiness around. Romance is an obvious corollary to such an ambience. Unfortunately what many couples do is exactly the opposite. They strive for romance, physical intimacy and fulfilling of expectations. That is why there are so many differences of opinion everywhere.

When I do speak to Kuhu just as my best friend, which she is anyway, I enjoy it tremendously. It gives me a feeling of completeness; it gives me a belief that nothing can ever go wrong between the two of us. We crack jokes like hell, we laugh, sometimes we also discuss serious issues, but the common factor is we completely open up to each other. However, whenever expectations take precedence over friendship, romance is lost in the process. There are heartbreaks, arguments and eventually protracted grief.

One would be amazed by the fact that a couple can get so close to each other emotionally if they compliment their romance by unconditional friendship also. I have witnessed this in my own relationship many a time. Today morning was one such instance when we talked about a hundred different topics, starting from films, family to my office and ultimately ourselves. We laughed all the way through. Such mornings make my day. This is the secret of happy companionship.

Hitting where it hurts most….

Revenge is highly condemned in civilized society. The holy books do not prescribe it either. However, man cannot put a leash on his instincts, no matter how cool headed he/she is. Some people take revenge instantaneously – like a word for a word, a slang for a slang or a slap for a slap. Some people wait for the opportune moment, which in some rare cases even takes years, but when they do come, give absolutely no room to the victim to recover. This is what I call “Hitting where it hurts most.”

There are many people who play with your emotions. They force you to become dependent on them through their deeds, and once you do get dependent, they ignore you. In the process you become cheap. Such things anger some people a lot. I have seen a person who had been going through exactly a similar situation, but he did not react initially. He absorbed all insults, and a few weeks later, turned the scenario upside down. The person who was giving him the pain was facing the pain this time, even to a greater extent.

The problem is however when the person who hurts you is very close to you. Sometimes in those cases you cannot hit back with a devil’s ferocity, but still I feel it is a shot worth trying. Revenge is not recommended at all, for you are always taught the virtues of tolerance and brotherhood by your parents. However, if you do decide to hit back some day after you have exhibited extreme tolerance, then do not react and shout. Plan, devise, contrive and then hit hard at the softest areas so that the other guy can really feel the pain and the insult that you had felt some day. God, please forgive me for saying so.

The reticence of some people becomes suffocating, even irritating…

In one of my earlier posts, I had expressed an opinion that it requires skill to make people express themselves in front of you, especially those people who take their own sweet time to open up and get friendly. Since you have been gifted with a rare ability to make people speak their minds out to you, the onus is on you to do it, and you should enjoy doing it. I have tried all my life to do it, but gosh, sometimes it drives the hell out of me, and I feel like “To hell with them, I am not talking to those guys again in my life.”

As a person who expresses his feelings so naturally and effectively, and who tries to make people his own quickly, I feel so disgusted, irritated and angry when I see people persistently being unnecessarily formal in their interactions in personal relationships. Mind you, this is in spite of months of effort put in through light-hearted and jovial conversations so that they are comfortable with you. Just like they are getting to know me first time, I am also doing the same, but there are many people who just dump the responsibility of creating camaraderie to the other. The most they can do is smile when they see you in front of them. Is that enough to start a friendship of a lifetime? It is not unfortunately.

It is these fellows, most of who are well educated and “modern”, who do not make even an inch of effort to make you comfortable. The funny thing is, that your elders will always blame you for the fact that you have not been able to become friendly. This just prompts for all hell to break loose, especially if all good work has come from your side. I feel that there should be a limit of providing them with the ease and comfort of talking, and sometimes they should be made to feel uncomfortable as well. In that case they would get a taste of their own medicine. It should serve them well. Sometimes people are so used to getting undue importance that they are totally oblivious to their responsibilities. I think it is time to teach them a lesson or two in man management skills.

Ability to communicate is always a boon…

Proper, clear-cut, timely and candid communication is a boon in every sphere of life, especially when things are not in favor of you. There are not many people around who are good communicators. There may be good speakers, but all good speakers are not necessarily good communicators. Communication to me is all about saying the optimum at the right place and the right time. Sometimes you have to go on talking for an hour to explain the perspectives, sometimes you can also just be silent and yet communicate.

Whenever I have faced friction in my love life, communication has not only seen me through, but it has also paved the way for a peaceful and happy future. Sometimes you have to explain things to people like a Montessori teacher, assuming that they are toddlers. The pain that you inflict upon yourself while doing this gives you the gain of a stronger relationship with that person whom you are talking to.

To communicate well, one has to be a clear thinker because clarity of words comes through clarity of thought. A soft tone, mental maturity and good prowess of language are obvious accessories, which however can never be taken for granted in an individual. However, in all this, I assume that the person in front of you is willing to understand and implement what you are saying. Otherwise every effort can be futile.

I am grateful to God that I have been blessed with reasonably good communication skills, although I keep myself open to improvement every time. Life teaches me a lesson every day, and I try to use those to sharpen my skills to understand people and address their issues through proper dialogue if they do require me.

You cannot stay alone forever…

In one of my earlier posts, I had written that how you can be alone and yet not be lonely. Well, that particular statement had a corollary, and that was, no matter how occupied you keep yourself, you can never be alone forever. There has to be an “expiry date” of staying alone. I have crossed that about 6 months back unfortunately.

When I was a kid and was amongst my mom, dad, brother and other relatives at home, I always used to feel that “Oh God, when can I start staying alone and have things done my way.” My dream came true when I was selected to an IIT five years back. I was literally jumping with joy at the prospect of seeing the world all by myself. Time passed, I had the time of my life in IIT for two years. I got a job in Bangalore and the dream continued. Till about six months back I was enjoying every bit of my solitude, but no more.

I write my blog, I surf, I sing, I cook, but I hate to stay alone. Gossiping around with friends does not interest me any more. Life has become abject and it seems that the days here in Bangalore have been left derelict. Intransigence has taken a strong grip on my temperament. I just hate compromising on any thing. Things change drastically however, when I do visit Kolkata and find my family on the horizon. I get back my usual jovial self, there is no rankle, and no carping. I enjoy life.

Probably the effect of staying all alone for so many years has taken its toll. There are people who stay all alone for a greater period of time, but for me I think the time has come to move out of this kind of lifestyle. It is good that somebody special is coming as a welcome addition to my life in two months time. Hope things change for the better.

Reactions to the honest confessions – The usual story….

This is in continuation to one of my earlier posts on “Confessions of a harmless mind.” After receiving her boyfriend’s email, which contained his innermost feelings of extreme intensity and romance, she pondered for quite some time on what should she reply to him. The day went on, the evening passed, she had dinner with her parents and younger brother (bhaiya) and then she thought that it was time for a befitting reply. She switched on her laptop; the internet took some time to get connected and then she started to pen down her email.

She wrote, “Hi, I can understand your feelings fully. However I do not think that you understand my feelings at all. It is true that we would get married in the near future, but it is an even bigger fact that my dad, mom and bhaiya are equally close to me, if not more, as you are. You have come into my life only for the past 5 months, but I have stayed with them, and grown up with them for the last 30 years. I appreciate the fact that you miss me a lot, but that does not stop me from loving my family one bit. You have to accept the fact that at the end of the day, I am THEIR child, not yours. You would never be able to show as much affection towards me as much as they do every moment, irrespective of how intense your romance is. Romance can never make up for parental and brotherly love.

I understand that you are emotionally dependent on me and expect a lot of love and affection from me. However, I am forced to say that I cannot give you anything more than what I am doing right now. I would always have my family duties to perform because that is what I enjoy doing. As far as you are concerned, it is partly true that I love you, but that does not mean that I would give you more attention than my family here. I know that it is sounding rude, but that is what the fact is. After we do get married, I know that I would be physically present with you all the time, and then I may be able to fulfill your expectations a bit more.

Even now, whenever I am finished with my family duties, I try to give the remaining time to you only. I have no other boyfriends here with whom I can share my free time. Please try to accept happily whatever little time you are getting from me right now. Mom, dad and bhaiya want to spend the maximum time with me because they fear that after marriage I may not get time to talk to them too much. I fully understand and appreciate their feelings and hence I take care of them a bit too much. I am sorry to say that I cannot stop my feelings from manifesting themselves. I hope you understand and I hope that you would not feel bad about it. Even if you do feel bad, I cannot help it because I cannot create happiness for you. Bye.

He read her reply. He was shocked. He was shattered. He could not believe what he had just read. He felt it was as stark and as ruthless as an email can be, especially from a person whom he had loved so deeply for 5 months. He sat dumbfounded in his bedroom. He was sweating profusely on a cool night. He decided to go for a walk outside. There was nobody to stop him or talk to him. It was 1 am in the night.

ICC must take strict actions…

First it was match fixing that was the epicentre of all troubles that was brewing in the Pakistani cricket establishment. Now, it has been ball tampering that Shoaib Akhtar was charged with yesterday. The kind of revelations that have come up in the last few weeks have obviously begged the question that why is Pakistan still being allowed to play international cricket? Why has not the English tour of Pakistan been called off after the Test series?

There have been quite a few former cricketers who have voiced their opinions about this. They have expressed that ICC should exhibit restraint and should not ban Pakistan from the list of ICC Test playing nations. Well, my point is if ICC can ban the South African and Zimbabwe cricket teams for purely political reasons, and for reasons for which the poor cricketers are not to blame, then why cannot they do so for Pakistan, whose cricketers are directly involved in all wrong-doings?

When South Africa was banned for Apartheid, or Zimbabwe was suspended for violation of Human Rights by their political leadership, everybody accepted those decisions. The match fixing saga and the ball tampering controversy is even worse, as the cricketers themselves are involved in selling the reputation of their country. To teach all cricketers a strong lesson, ICC should go ahead and disallow Pakistan from participating in any of its affiliated tournaments for the next one year at least, including the coveted World Cup that is scheduled next February.

The million dollar question is does ICC have the fire in its belly to take such a drastic step when there are only 8 proper Test playing nations right now? Do they dare to ban a cricket playing nation at a time when the associate nations have failed to rise to Test match level after sustained investments? An even bigger question is whether they would do it at the cost of World Cup 2011 TRPs crashing down.

CWG preparations have bowed our heads in shame……

As we come closer to the biggest sporting event India has hosted after the Asian Games in 1982, our heads keep bowing down in shame and disgust. It should freak any ordinary citizen out, when he/she just ponders over the fact that how inept, callous and irresponsible the organizers for the Commonwealth Games (CWG) have been. As if the financial irregularities have not been enough, now even the Games Village has been termed as “not fit enough to live in”.

Representatives of the various participating nations have complained that the apartments in the Village are filthy and stinky as hell. The toilets are unclean and the construction workers seemed to have littered the loos in them. Interiors are also still going on. This fact was published a couple of days back, and the athletes are supposed to arrive today. I mean, are we taking of a host country which is the second fastest growing economy in the world, and which has been named as the third most powerful nation in the world in a recent survey? To make matters worse, a footbridge, which was supposedly constructed at a cost of Rs 11 crore for the athletes, has collapsed, seriously injuring 30 people. So has a ceiling in one of the stadiums.

Quite a few empowered committees were set up in the last two months to oversee the functioning of the CWG, but to no avail. The funny thing is that nobody is willing to bite the bullet. Everybody is passing the buck to the others. This is atrocious, shameful and detestable to say the least. I have run out of patience with respect to the Games being held properly. Many star athletes have already boycotted the Games. I would not be astonished if entire nations back out of this fracas as well and only Indians are left to compete against each other in the CWG. There should be a limit to all the nonsense that is taking place for quite some time now.

It’s a shame to see that our country, which has been so well known for its hospitality over the years, is treating its guests in such a shabby fashion, with dirty apartments and used-up, stinky toilets. We cannot guarantee them health and safety either, as structures are collapsing every other day and terrorists are threatening to open fire and smuggling detonators inside the stadium. Please give me a break guys. I do not want to call myself an Indian during the Common Wealth Games 2010.

IPL invoked a lot more interest….

The Champions League T20 is currently going on in South Africa. Last year also it was held with much fanfare in India during Diwali time. During both the editions however, it has failed to arouse as much interest and passion as the IPL editions have. Given that the standard of the cricket played in the former is much higher than that of the latter, it is very surprising indeed.

I guess the BCCI has been able to market the IPL a lot more, and with a lot more matches there, the passion always simmers even in the scorching heat of summer. Lalit Modi, given all the integrity issues that have blotted his reputation, has always been a tremendous innovator and IPL is his brainchild. The idea of a strategic time-out (which was criticised severely by the players), the glitz and glamour, the quality of TV coverage and the optimal length of the tournament with double headers made it the ideal “Masala Cricket.” However, the CLT20 has failed to stir up the public to that extent, and elicit as much hysteria as the IPL has done.

The only point of interest for the Indian public has been the performance of the IPL teams here. Even the T20 World Cup has met a similar fate with the interest not reaching fever pitch, in spite of the cricket being of the highest calibre. Probably the pristinely administered ICC needs to take a lesson or two about marketing and tournament showcasing from a beleaguered, vituperated but an innovative administrator.

Honorary awards should be abolished……

Sometime back, UK’s University of Bedfordshire awarded Shah Rukh Khan an honorary doctorate. Not only SRK, but also Amitabh Bachchan, Javed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi and even Shilpa Shetty have been conferred honorary doctorates. To me this is a serious insult of a PhD degree.

I possess a Masters Degree from an IIT. During my two year course there, I had to work one year on a research project, on which I was eventually graded. I know how much pain one has to go through while completing even such a short stint in the lab. For PhD scholars, it is even worse – they spend five years in a lab, if not more, to earn their degrees. Honorary doctorates belittle the tireless efforts of thousands of research scholars in our country who have toiled day and night for this coveted honour. The authorities better understand that doctorates are meant for great achievers and not entertainers.

I feel that awards should be reserved for the fields they are meant for, like the Oscars for good cinema. A few days back, Sachin Tendulkar was made honorary Group Captain of the Indian Air Force. We understand that he has done tremendous service to Indian cricket, but this act was certainly not justified. Sachin would never be able to inspire youth to join IAF, even though he may encourage them to take up cricket. In fact, when chess legend Viswanathan Anand declined his doctorate from the University of Hyderabad after his nationality was questioned, he was not supercilious. After all, isn’t being Anand good enough?

Indian Cinema has to reach out to the West….

If one looks at the Indian box office even last year, one would regretfully see that among the five biggest hits, the second biggest hit after 3 Idiots is Avatar. There used to be a time when even the best of Hollywood movies did not break any records in India. You would find a lot of people around you gloating about Indian films going to 50 countries and winning awards and so on. However, the thing is that only Indians, and not the natives, are watching Indian films in those 50 countries.

In the last two decades, India has been able to export its culture through music, sport and literature, but never through films. The west has however been able to significantly influence our culture with their technologically and cinematically superior forms of cinema. Although Hindi cinema, which is currently the face of Indian cinema, has evolved over the years we still have a long way to go. Dhobi Ghat, which is Kiran Rao’s debut venture, is supposed to be a masterpiece though it is yet to be released. We need more films like that to carve a niche for ourselves.

Indian cinema has to evolve as uncluttered storytellers, which was almost taken for granted in the days of filmmakers like Satyajit Ray. We should start Indianising Indian cinema to a far greater extent than what we are doing today. We should stop Hollywood from having destructive influences on our cinema. We have so much to offer as a country, as a culture and it is time we start leveraging some of that potential.

Educate farmers on proper use of pesticides….

It seems that our innocent and ignorant farmers, unaware of the repercussions of chemicals they use as pesticides for their crops, are feeding us into a slow death of sorts. Pesticide spraying is turning into the biggest issue to never have been addressed. Higher demands for certain crops have forced farmers to increase the rounds of pesticide sprays, but the problem is the cocktail of dangerous chemicals used for the purpose.

Not only is our health at risk, but also that of the farmers themselves, because they do not put on any protective gear while using pesticides. Hence they are easy victims to health problems like cancer, mental retardation, and infertility among others. Any pesticide sprayed on the fields also drifts and contaminates the nearby soil and water sources nearby, endangering the lives of so many people. The government has banned DDT and some other organochlorides as pesticides, but they have not done so for endosulfan, which is also a very fatal chemical. In fact India is one of the largest users of Class 1A pesticides by WHO standards, which are supposed to be the most hazardous.

The worry is there is little thought to an Integrated Pest Management System. Farmers do not have basic knowledge of how to use pesticides. In some areas, they mix pesticides and use a cocktail, without thinking an iota about its side effects. In most cases, labelling on bottles is not effective as it cannot be done in local languages. There is no information either on product hazards or appropriate methods of storage and handling. Even worse, many people use the empty pesticide bottles to store diesel or kerosene. India also has about 200 tons of obsolete pesticides which have not been disposed off.

High pesticide residues in many of our crops like cardamom have reduced its export by a huge amount. This is a huge setback for our farmers too, leave aside the state exchequer. Farmers have to be made aware of the proper usage of pesticides such as endosulfan so that they can mitigate long term health impacts for themselves as well as for us. Our leaders already know that India is a country which has an agricultural economy, but I hope they realize that too.

Hindi Cinema has evolved in the last two decades….

The list of winners in the recently announced National Film Awards is very significant. Amitabh Bachchan won the award for Best Actor, Paa was named as the Best Hindi Film, 3 Idiots won the award for the Most Pouplar Film, Delhi 6 won the award for the Best Feature Film on National Integration. All these films were based on socially relevant issues, but they were not just movies with a message. Their social conscience had been polished into a glossy sheen, and tailored for mass viewing and public acceptance. This is a clear indication of Hindi cinema’s evolution in the last 20 years or so.

If one takes a look at previous National Film Award (NFA) ceremonies, one would feel how much the paradigm has shifted in Indian cinema. Movies that used to regularly take honours at the NFA were those by Satyajit Ray, Mrinal Sen and Shyam Benegal, directors who had impeccable credentials for parallel cinema. At the other end of the spectrum you had Yash Chopra, who used mass entertainment as their weapon and bagged the most popular film award categories at the NFA. There was a distinction of the two genres of films.

Now that demarcation has blurred significantly. This can be attributed to a generation of film directors in our country who have shaped their artistic sensibilities after liberalisation. They are equally aware of our current socio-political milieu and the Bollywood potboilers. This breed of directors make experimental cinema of a kind that may have been impossible in the era of single-screen theatres. However, innovation in Hindi cinema is still a work in progress and it has to come at par with the best of the West. The good thing is that it has surely demonstrated its capacity for reinvention. I think that the best from Hindi cinema is yet to come.

The Indo-Pak Express touches all hearts….

When Rohan Bopanna and Aisam-Ul-Haq Qureshi took centre court in the men’s doubles final in the US Open Tennis on Eid, a billion hearts from India and Pakistan were dancing in unison. This was a special occasion, when sportspersons from two countries, who have been virtually at war for the past 60 years and continue to escalate tension between themselves, united themselves on the tennis court and rose like a phoenix from the ashes to reach the title round.

They made a statement to the entire world that peace and friendship between these traditional foes of South Asia was still not a far cry. If sports can break the barrier of mutual mistrust and hatred so effortlessly, so can diplomacy and dialogue. The important thing is the will to do it however. The effort was all the more commendable for Aisam, because Pakistan has been torn apart from within, by rogue elements within their army, their cricketers and nature’s fury. After the match, which was symbolically held in the US, Aisam said that people of America should not view Pakistan as a terrorist nation. He also stressed upon the harassment that Pakistanis are subjected to at US airports in the name of security checks.

This speech of his was not only reminiscent of the pain that these people have faced over the years just because of a few rogue elements, but also showed how sport can bring nations together and dispel all hatred. Recognizing the valiant effort of these two young bravehearts in promoting peace and harmony between India and Pakistan through sport, the government of Karnataka has announced a felicitation ceremony for the duo.

They truly deserve it. They have carved a niche for themselves in the world of tennis. From now on, all teams would treat Bopanna-Qureshi pair with a lot of respect on the court for their skills as players, just like they did for the Paes-Bhupathi pair. They would also elicit smiles and blessings from people of both sides of the Indo-Pak border for showing the way to a beleaguered set of politicians and generals, who just cannot find a way to peace and bonhomie between these two culturally and aesthetically similar nations.

Procrastination is a thief of time….

Most of us have an ugly habit of delaying work which can be done then and there itself. We forget that there are a million ways to lose a work day, but not even a single way to get one back. Postponing things into the future would never get anyone anywhere; it has never done so either. Procrastination is an energy-draining, time-stealing and life-robbing problem. It is a waste of time when one engages in low-value deeds.

Be it students, young people of the MNC workforce, or elderly people, their indulgence on the quintessential trait, of putting off important tasks for doing later, is beyond doubt. Too much procrastination can have a grim and negative effect on one’s lives – failure in exams, unable to get a promotion, paying heavy fines or penalties, or it may make you feel despondent or dejected.

The will to complete tasks on time, proper planning, prioritising of various tasks among many and executing the tasks goes a long way in avoiding bottlenecks in our daily work. At the end of it all, it is up to the individual to implement the given task on time smoothly, without any panic for himself or people around him. If tasks are completed on time, free time can be obtained afterwards, which allows us to complete all the great things we wanted, like hanging out with friends or watching a movie. After all, they say, that the busiest person in the world has a lot of free time.

The Karaoke experience……

Well well well! This is the 75th post of my blog. As always on special milestones, I would write today on something which I have done for the first time in my life – a Karaoke Concert, here in GE campus. For beginners, Karaoke is an event where the original track of a song is played in a music system on stage, and the singer has to fill in the song itself into the track. The lyrics of the song are displayed on a big screen as it is being sung.

For the past two weeks or so, as part of our decennial celebrations here, we have been organizing various events in our campus. The Karaoke Concert was also one of the many events that are taking place. Till today morning I did not even know when the concert was supposed to be held. Suddenly at 10.45 am an email arrived saying that people who are still interested in taking part in the competition may get themselves registered latest by 4 pm. The registered candidates would be subjected to auditions and the final round of singing would start at 6 pm. They had also sent a list of about 250 songs, whose tracks were available and among which we had to choose one.

I went for registration at 3.55 pm and I was the last entry. I was confident about passing through the auditions, and I did so. They selected 16 people for the final round of performance. I had the privilege of choosing a solo number for myself, as some people were also selected for a group song. I preferred a solo number from the movie Gangster.

As I walked on stage at my turn, I was waiting for a totally new experience. I have never sung a song with an original soundtrack before, but always wanted to do so. So this was very special indeed. The lyrics kept floating up, but I hardly required them while singing. Luckily for me, I managed to integrate the lines well in between the interludes and the preludes. The song went well.

We were having the event in our open-air Amphitheatre, and it was unfortunate at the end that rain played spoilsport. We had to abandon the concert before finishing all participants and the results could also not be declared hence. That would have been an ideal culmination of such a wonderful and eventful day. However, it was an experience worth cherishing.

Sobbing of women after marriage day, an unanswered question..

One aspect that has always intrigued me throughout is the fact that almost all women sob heavily when they leave their paternal house a day after the marriage ceremony gets over. This is even more astonishing in case of love marriages.

It was perfectly logical for the bride to cry in the good old days, when they were married off as teenagers to elderly people. In those times, there were hardly any love marriages. Even in arranged marriages, the prospective bride and the groom never saw each other before marriage, forget talking to each other, which has become commonplace today. In effect, the poor girl was marrying an unknown person, and embarking upon an unknown destiny in an unknown household. She had every reason to cry for her parents when she would leave them forever.

Now, in an era of women liberation, where half of the marriages are based on choice of the couples than that of the families, and also in an era when the prospective couple spend so much time together before marriage getting to know each other, such acts of sobbing by women on leaving their parents makes no sense to me. The fact is that even in arranged marriages, the would-be bride and the groom start loving each other before the marriage actually happens. So why does she cry when she is about to be with her dream partner forever? Is it because her parents cry in front of her? Or is it something spurious just for the sake of attracting attention?

I have asked this question to many women, including my mother. They opine that the girl is aggrieved by the fact that she is leaving her parents forever. Well, in today’s world of nuclear families, even males stay away from their parents. They don’t cry on leaving their home for a job or studies, do they? At least I did not.

In fact, I feel that such acts put the groom in an awkward situation if the entire family of the bride start sobbing heavily just before he is about to part with his wife. A feeling of guilt engulfs him, when he feels as if he is inflicting capital damage on an innocent family.

Humility is a very difficult virtue to possess…

Learning to be humble is of paramount importance in most religions and spiritual traditions, and humility can also help you develop as a person and enjoy richer relationships with others. In reality, however, perhaps the hardest of our natural passions that we can subdue is pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as you please, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself.

Even then we can definitely strive towards achieving humility. Being humble doesn't mean you can't feel good about yourself. Self-esteem is not the same as pride. Both come from a recognition of your own talents and qualities, but arrogant pride, is rooted in insecurity about yourself. It is imperative to understand your limitations and to always remember the fact that there is always somebody who is better than you, in whatever skill that may be. Another aspect that we find to be very difficult is trying to stop judging others before finding our own faults.

Letting go of meaningless, simplistic comparisons with others will definitely make us enjoy doing things without worrying about whether we are better or worse than others. This would make us humble, as that would bring peace of mind. Praising others for their special qualities, as I had written about in one of my earlier posts, also enhances humility. Rejuvenating your sense of wonder, just like children, and having the curiosity so that you can be keen observers and capable learners also makes you humble. Helping others in every way possible, seeking guidance from people around you and gentleness are, of course, cornerstones of any humble person.

Having said all this, I still maintain that humility is always the toughest virtue to possess. For even if you could conceive that you have completely overcome pride, you would probably be proud of your humility. This is especially true when we live in a society that encourages competition and individuality.

Ensure a smooth ride of life with Lord Ganesha…..

Ganesha Chaturthi is an extremely prevalent festival throughout India, and Lord Ganesha, having the head of an elephant and an endearing round belly, is also a favourite idol among all sections of Indian society.

Today, the 11th of September, is being celebrated as Bhadrapada Ganesha Chaturthi which is supposed to be the birthday of Lord Ganesha. The lord is seen as Vighna Vinashaka, the Remover of Obstacles, and is always invoked before embarking on any new venture. The legend also goes that if you look at the moon on Chaturthi nights like today, you would invite false charges against yourselves. This is because Lord Ganesha is said to have cursed Chandra (the moon) as she had once teased Vinayaka over His peculiar form.

To me, there is an innocence and naughtiness about the face of Lord Ganesha. He is like a cherub, who you feel like pampering like anything, but also somebody who you can cry your mind out to. Some pictures which depict a baby Ganesha on the lap of Parvati with Lord Shiva standing alongside, is also very cute indeed. To me he sometimes elicits a similar expression as Bal Gopala. An obsequious bow before him, just before you leave for work everyday, gives you the confidence that you can gallop past any obstacle that is in store for you that day.

The message of Eid should eradicate radicalism…

Ramzan, or Ramadan, the Islamic holy month was when the Holy Quran was revealed to the prophet. Eid-Ul-Fitr, which is the culmination of this month-long fasting, celebrates the revelation of the Quran. It is believed that this revelation occurred on the 27th night of the month of Ramzan. Muslims pray throughout this Night of Power and they are advised to seek forgiveness and also ask for what they desire.

The month long fasting is not only about not having food from dawn to dusk, but also entails sexual abstinence, refraining from quarrels, lies and entertainment, and staying away from war and other forms of inflicting violence on humanity. These manifestations of renunciation is said to cleanse one’s soul, teaches patience and humility and ensures that man is not a slave to his desires.

Today is the 11th of Sepetember, the infamous 9/11, memories of which still sends shivers down the spine of many around the world. It is highly symbolic that Eid-Ul-Fitr is also being celebrated on this day this year. Will the message of tolerance spread across the victimised and the accused alike? Yesterday, a Christian priest in the USA had also threatened to burn the Quran in protest against 9/11 attacks. Will he oblige or relent?

In the month of Ramzan, Kashmir is burning; Pakistan’s cricketers have been caught in match fixing allegations and Palestine is attacking Israel. People who fight in the name of religion should sit down and scan through their holy books sooner rather than later. If they understand and implement the message of sacred months like that of the Ramzan, we would surely have a world which would be free of all radicalism, revenge and greed.

The average Indian male has learnt to look good…..

There used to be a time, not so long ago, when attractive Indian actresses fell for foreign male cricketers. Neena Gupta for Vivian Richards and Anju Mahendroo for Sir Garfield Sobers are burning examples. There were several Indian starlets who used to fantasize about Imran Khan. Wasim Akram, even at 44, manages to set hearts aflutter, as Sushmita Sen might well have found out how.

In the years gone by however, the average Indian male has lacked sheer physical appeal, botched up their looks and has been convincingly eclipsed by his ravishing female counterpart. That is why you might not have seen any foreign starlet bowled over by the looks of any Indian male. People attribute the lack of good looks to bad grooming. Detestable habits like letting yellow nails grow, picking their nose in public, eating noisily, talking loudly over phone, and lack of chivalry summed up the Indian male of yesteryears. They used to be blinded by smugness and incorrigible self-love.

In the last decade or so, things have changed dramatically however. The average Indian male is much more serious about grooming, fitness, skin and his good looks overall. I have witnessed young men in their late 20s applying face wash gels after they come back from work, trimming their nails and hair regularly, looking sober in dress codes and using mouth wash gels after meals. I do not think this was prevalent even 15 years back. Even middle to old aged people try their best to protract their good looks over a longer time span. However, one fact has survived the test of generations of the ugly looking Indian Male, and holds even today. Despite the way they look, Indian men have mostly been paired with beautiful looking women!

Understanding your most critical need….

It is far easier to understand the needs of others than yourself. The simple reason is we cannot observe our own behavioral patterns so scrupulously, which we can do for others whenever we want to. Most people including ourselves are so confused about what they want in life, the reason being they do not understand themselves or their inner desires.

People want money and hence happiness, those who get money want a nice wife, those who get both crave for social respect, then for a child who would top all exams throughout and the list goes on. There is no end to their “needs” but the true need remains unattended and elusive. People do not know how they would react in certain situations, they do not know what clothes they prefer to buy in a fashion store, they do not know how others are reacting to their behavior, they do not understand whether their style of talking is hurting others, and they do not know how they can improve themselves as individuals.

I feel that the most important component that any living being wants, even subconsciously, is PEACE OF MIND. Nobody realizes, but we strive for everything in life so that we can achieve it. We want to be the best in whatever we do, we want to win, we want to have a happy family, a nice high-paying job, a foreign trip every year, and the latest car model, eventually for the sake of peace. We want to pamper our ego at every possible opportunity just for attaining peace of mind. We fail to comprehend however that in doing so we tend to ignore our core requirement in life, focusing instead on the peripheral imperatives.

Without peace of mind, no happiness lasts long enough. It is not necessary also that possession of material wealth would bring peace of mind. I believe that once we start to live our lives to attain peace of mind, all other things will fall in place and none of us would demand for extraordinary pleasures in life. When I pray to God, I do not ask for promotions, a car, a flat or money. I ask God to bless me with peace of mind all my life, because I know that if I get peace, I would get all the other pleasures of life as a complimentary offer.

The hush of your Silence can be very loud indeed…

Silence has always been a very effective art in any conversation. The message that the reticence of silence can portray can sometimes not be expressed by a thousand words. Our ability to remain silent showcases our ability to listen intensely on what is being said. It is not only advisable to say the right things at the right place, but equally so to leave the wrong thing unsaid at the most tempting place, and at a most sensitive moment. I believe Kuhu does this wonderfully well, and I have a lot to learn from her in this aspect, even though, I take pride in my communication skills overall.

Ironically, I believe so at least, that to communicate well through your silence, you have to have great skills of expression. People should read your mind from your body language, smile, deep breaths and eyes. Although this may be done in many spheres of life, I have experienced the power of silence in romance. In fact, when Kuhu and I have gone out together in the past, I used to hardly speak most of the time, and used my silence to communicate.

Since she had never seen me in such sedate moods before, she used to opine that “Shamne thakle tumi to kothai bolo na, khali chup kore thako, tomar joto kotha shob phonei shuni ami”.

This was a mockery in very good humour which meant that “When we are together, you hardly speak to me, although you are a chatterbox on the phone.”

Whenever she has said like this I have always replied that “Dear, during those times it is my mind which speaks, and not my mouth.”

However it does not mean that she cannot understand my deepest feelings during those quiet times. My silence tells her all, because one gaze into the eyes of someone we love so deeply speaks more intensely to the heart than a million poetic verses.

Generally speaking, silence is a powerful sword indeed. We can use silence to understand people around us. However, when we are accustomed to noise, we mistake silence for a lack of understanding instead of the depth of understanding it reveals. It is not necessary that we have to babble a whole lot of crap to make our point every time, but keeping one’s mouth shut for a while also helps a lot. I have always seen that the most successful people know how to practice effective silence. After all, most of us know how to say nothing, but very few of us know how to make our silence speak louder.

Teachers of today have their task cut out…………

India is probably the only country in the world which dedicates an entire day of the calendar year to their teachers. Yesterday, the 05th of September, was that auspicious occasion. The day is meant to symbolize the respect and love that students are supposed to express to their teachers. However, today, the teacher-pupil relationship has been turned on its head. Teachers of today are exposed to a totally new gamut of challenges for these new times.

There used to be a time, even when we were in school 15 years back, when the teacher was a stentorian and beatific personality, imposing an empyrean presence on the class. He had only to enter the classroom for the hush to fall. He could ask tough questions in a gruff voice. It used to be enough for the mind to be set on the right track for the next 45 minutes. Not any longer though. Now, the teacher has to field a barrage of questions from his eloquent and articulate disciples who have access to all kinds of information on the internet. Hence the teachers have to remain updated themselves, and probably subscribe to several online forums. This was beyond thinking sometime back.

There are many teachers who are stressed out with the pressure that the profession brings along these days. They feel that they cannot take action against any children for misbehavior or against people who neglect their studies. At the same time, they are expected to take up innovative measures so that weak students can catch up with the bright ones. Disciplining students can get mighty tough for teachers if both parents and authorities want the students to be treated like pampered kids. This is like tying one’s hands and throwing them into the water. The corporatization of the education system has also rubbed salt into the wounds of the modern day teachers. As a result, the “hire and fire” policy that is displayed by the school authorities also does not chime well in the teaching fraternity.

The upside of all this is that the students today see their teachers as friends rather than as mentors. Teachers are no more feared or revered but seen as equals. Many teachers also send “friend requests” to the students on social networking sites. The thing to ponder over, however, is the “Guru-Shishya” relationship has changed forever.

Parents should let their children earn praise……

I have held this opinion for quite some time now, that these days many parents look for the slightest opportunity to praise their kids in front of strangers, or even distant relatives. They feel that by doing this, their son/daughter would start earning respect and veneration in society. I do not see even a modicum of common sense in this. It is a pity that in the midst of all petty social rivalries, parents of today forget one of the most rudimentary aspects of child upbringing.

The parents that I am talking about are totally oblivious to our mythology, our ancient epics, especially the Mahabharata. If they were not, they would have known the words of Shri Krishna, when he tells Nakula that:

“Hey brave Pandava, I am your friend. Hence there is no value of any praise that I bestow you with. Praise is fully realized and cherished only when your cruellest of enemies shower it on you. Only then you would know that you possess talent.”

Sometimes, even I frustratingly used to admonish my mom to praise me like hell in front of strangers. However she always opposed that demand of mine. Now, after so many years, I realize the amount of good that her restraint has done to me. My mom always says the few lines in Bengali when we discuss this issue-

“Aponaare bhalo bole bhalo shei noi, loke jaare bhalo bole bhalo sheii hoi” which basically means “People who praise themselves or their near and dear ones are never really good, but those who receive praise from outsiders are the real talented ones.”

By ignoring such lines of wisdom parents forget the simple fact that if you get the child or even your grown-up kids used to useless praise then they would definitely lose the urge to earn it themselves, and in that case, not be estimable as individuals. They would find it very difficult to realize the fact that in life, one has to constantly set new benchmarks for oneself and keep striving past oneself. Really wish some common sense prevails somewhere.

Sustaining trust is pivotal to any relationship…….

We all understand the importance of trust in relationships. Reconciliation, intimacy, and close fellowship always depend on forgiveness, respect, love, and trust. Similar to success, trust is such an attribute which is easier to build or create than to sustain. In today’s world, sustained trust has really become a rare phenomenon, be it among countries, couples or other human relationships.

There are many occasions when you are almost tempted to suspect any generous show of affection or unexpected exhibition of appreciation, even from a close relative or a lover who might sometimes give you cause to distrust him or her. No relationship exists without any form of conflicts from time to time, which can drastically affect the trust between the people in the relationships. The ability and manner of managing or resolving conflicts and building trust, is a primary sign of maturity or true spirituality of a person, and portrays the depth of his or her love for the particular person the one has conflicts with. The offended party must learn to build trust for the offender, and the offender must trust that the one he or she offended has sincerely forgiven and released him or her from the chains of the offence, for them to continue loving each other.

“I do not trust you anymore.” “I wonder if I can ever trust you again.” “I never knew you could do that to me.” “How can I forget what you did?” These are among the most common statements we hear in places when trust is broken between two people, especially between couples and lovers. Another familiar quote is: “I do not trust anybody.” When you hear this statement then it clearly indicates to you that the speaker has had a bad experience before or has heard about the unfortunate experiences of someone who innocently or foolishly gave his or her trust to someone and got the trust badly trampled upon, with subsequent damages.

After dealing with offences and resolving all conflicts, the primary hurdle to overcome is the re-establishment of broken trust. Trust is a process and not just an instant act or event. Trust is the process that takes the act of forgiveness to completion, and enables us to establish true love and fellowship with any neighbor or companion. You cannot achieve it as a flight by night or in one sprint, no matter how gigantic your initial effort is.

Without qualities like faith, patience, sincerity, and consistent works of righteousness towards the person you are dealing with, you will forever struggle to trust your husband, wife, child, in-law, relative, or friend. However the challenge for most of us is to display such qualities consistently, especially when the times are demanding. I would presume that this is a lot easier than losing a dear one forever from your life.

Cricket did not deserve such ignominy…..

It was way back in 1998, that Shane Warne had opened a can of worms by claiming that he was offered money to bowl badly in a match. Match fixing was not a household term those days, and the curiosity that piece of revelation had created, trickled away very quickly.

Two years later, Hansie Cronje’s admission to the media and the subsequent match-fixing saga that followed was the most damaging blow to this gentleman’s game. Allegations, counter-allegations, banning icons from national sides and even suspicious deaths of stalwarts like Cronje himself and Bob Woolmer further tainted the reputation of cricket. Over the last ten years, an increasing number of people started to lose faith in a fair exchange between bat and ball. The T20 bash saved face a little bit.

However, last week, Pakistan’s cricketers got involved in probably the “mother of all allegations” – Spot Fixing. Foreign currency equivalent to almost Rs 40 lakhs was found in the hotel room that was occupied by their captain. Young, talented cricketers of the team had to be suspended from the England tour, leave alone the shame inflicted to this cricket-savvy country. As usual, allegations have been flying thick and fast, with RAW (Research and Analysis Wing), which is the Indian intelligence unit, also being blamed by Pakistan.

With just over 5 months to go for the World Cup in the subcontinent, cricket could have done away with such a taint and ignominy. Fears of terrorism has always made people think twice before they reach a cricket stadium these days, but now, there is no guarantee that the two teams, which are sweating on the cricket field would do so honestly. People do not trust the players anymore. Will the scars of match fixing ever heal? Nobody seems to have an answer to it.

Confessions of a harmless mind…….

On a Monday morning, after having bunked office through a fake stomach upset, he sits to write an email to his girlfriend. He wants to confess whatever he is feeling at that point of time.

He writes, “My dear, I cannot bear the pain of staying without you anymore. Days and nights just trickle away in boredom, melancholy and in a fit of depression. I seem to be waiting endlessly for you. I count days when you and I would be together, forever, when there would be no distractions around us, nobody to expect any duties and responsibilities from you except myself. I remember those moments that we spent together, when there was nothing left between the two of us, except love, trust and goodwill. The physical distance between us is driving the hell out of me, forcing me to say things that I would not even think of saying normally.

There is no strength left in me right now. Concentration in work has become as rare as an illuminating moonshine on a new-moon day. Eyelashes do not touch each other at night; I keep staring into the unknown. Every now and then, misunderstandings and petty issues seem to spoil the romance around us. When calm sets in, I realize that all harsh words that had spawned between us were for no reason. We love each other much more intensely than anybody must have ever done. Still, your harsh words sting me harder than a bee would. Tears do not flow out. They seem to have dried up too, when I require them the most.

In times of such distress, all hopes, that I have had the courage to gather all this while, shed like dry leaves in winter. People stamp over those day after day; ignoring my screeching whine of pain. Mutual trust and respect seem to have been lost forever. Self-confidence seems to be at an all time low. I feel like never going back to you again, never loving you again, and never exchanging sweet nothings with you again, but cannot do those either. We are one soul after all.

As time heals the pain of those wounds, we become lovebirds again; promises begin to flow again, just as in the times when we were together. We become totally oblivious to what must have happened a couple of days back and try to make a new beginning. However, old bruises keep opening up, and a plethora of duties keep cropping up for you, blocking the flourish of our unhindered and uninhibited bandwagon of love. I eagerly keep waiting for that elusive expressway, which we would reach after we unite, which would be without any major obstacles, and on which our bandwagon would cruise at 100 kmph. The odd speed breaker would fall in between, but for that, we need not stop ourselves dead still, do we?”

On the same day, after lunch, his girlfriend logs on to the net, and sees his email alert first up. She reads the email intensely, understands its implications and his feelings completely, but does not provide any immediate response. May be, she wants her silence to speak for herself. May be she is lost for words, may be she has begun to love him more than ever before. May be her eyes are wet with tears. May be she still has some duties left to perform……

Creating a quota for “Youth”……

Emphasizing and affirming the fact that age has never been a hindrance for Indian politicians, a recent publication states that India is a country with the oldest Head of State, as well as the oldest ministerial cabinet among 15 of the largest economies in the world.

At 78, our PM is only one of the two septuagenarians on that list. At an average age of 64 years, the Indian Cabinet is almost 2.5 times as old as the average Indian populace, which is 26 years. This is far greater than most of the developed economies where the difference in age is only about a decade or so. Due to this palpable age difference, there is a huge disconnect between the leadership and the people. Apart from this, dynastic politics too is a massive hurdle to youth finding expression. This may also block reform in any direction.

Just like reservation for women is becoming a hot topic for discussion these days, perhaps we also need to think in terms of reservation for youth, leaving out the creamy layer of those who come with dynastic connections. This would certainly help in developing new young leaders, which would certainly improve the quality of the leadership we get.