Articulate and honest communication, without cheating oneself and others can build sound relationships in one’s personal life and enhance career growth in one’s professional life. However, unwillingness towards the same, either mostly due to lack of intent and rarely due to lack of ability (not everyone is an articulate communicator) can ruin families, relationships and bonds forever. I have always believed in candid talking throughout my life. That has not necessarily earned me a procession of friends (my FB friend count is still pathetically low), but what I have earned is quality of friendship and the gift of honest opinions.
The only substantial mistake that I felt I have made is to expect people who are far lesser in pedigree to be as honest and candid as I am. There are scores of people around (they are a MAJORITY by 99:1) who commit to certain ideas, thoughts and opinions, but back out in the middle of execution, making honest and committed people feel hopelessly helpless. Disagreements, if present, should be articulated right at the top. Sometimes I feel that turbulence in conjugal life can be totally eliminated if both partners formulate an understanding of each other’s “soft” points – topics which elicit anger and irritation, communicate the same to each other in the most polite of ways and then execute it over a lifetime. After all this is what understanding is all about.
The same applies to other spheres of life also. Ethical correctness of certain feelings and opinions should be challenged, revoked or accepted right at the time when they are expressed. However, once accepted by the parties involved, “moral policing” should not happen. After 6 months, people should not come and say that “Hey buddy, are we doing the right thing? Is it morally correct? Are we hurting anybody else in the process? Can we keep sustaining it?” To me these irrelevant and stupid questions can totally get eliminated from the equation if we can somehow exhibit clear thinking. I believe most of us are educated enough and intelligent enough to do it.
Having said that, an important fact is, convoluted and confused people with their minds tied up into knots cannot think such clearly. Clarity in speech evolves from clarity of thought and some people are just not good at it. Even if they know what they should do, they cannot screw up enough courage to actually do it. Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, such people are the majority. We have to live with them!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
You and I - 6
It had been almost a year since he got married. Things were going on as usual in the most bizarre way possible. She did not express her feelings in the way he wanted, his frustrations grew, she kept herself busy in other modes of entertainment in life and did not bother to oblige. The time they spent with each other had been reduced to a trickle. One day his anger spilled over.
Voices soared; mobile talk-times shot through the roof and moods went haywire. It was a terrible saga of a damaged and dilated ego which fell flat on its face. Most importantly, it was also a sorry tale of an unfulfilled romance which was so intense that it charred everything else around including itself. Anger, pain and a feeling of being cheated and misunderstood blew the lid off any decency between the two. The relationship was as good as over. All good moments they had shared in the past, all sweet words that had been spoken to each other, the trust and comfort zone they mutually enjoyed in each other’s company and the feelings they had for each other were shattered that day.
In the heat of the moment, he put question marks on the character of a woman he loved and respected so dearly. She clearly told him in blunt words not to interfere in her personal life anymore. He realized that it was a HUGE mistake, but the damage had been done. The worst thing was that in about 2 weeks’ time, both families were planning to meet up at a resort with some common friends. Nobody knew whether that would happen now or not, or even if it did how much they would enjoy it. All plans were in jeopardy.
Even after all this, he put a lot of trust on her and hoped that she would come back with a smiling face quickly, as she had done a few times. However, deep inside, he knew that it might not ever happen again. The foundation of the relationship had been shaken. If at all, the entire building of love needed to be re-constructed. Would he have the patience to do it? Would she be forgiving enough to give the relationship another chance? Would they both be able to love each other so passionately as they used to before? The Almighty knew the answer.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
KKR’s IPL Victory celebrations – Mixed feelings….
Two weeks back, Kolkata Knight Riders won the fifth edition of the IPL. It was a proud moment for all Bengalis around the country and beyond. This was especially true after the Pune Warriors unit consisting of Bengal’s greatest cricketer and a few other budding ones crashed out of the competition in utter ignominy. Even the most emotional Bengali cricket fan including me had no other option but to pledge whole-hearted support for their home city team which was led by a fighter. We were ecstatic on the night of May 27, 2012. To me the joy of seeing KKR lifting the IPL was as good as MS Dhoni’s Men in Blue lifting the ICC Cricket World Cup on April 02, 2011.
However, having said all this, what was baffling to me was the mid-afternoon euphoria that occurred in Kolkata a couple of days later. The city of joy was battling with its schizophrenia. An enthusiastic chief minister made a mockery of her austere chair and struck a devastating blow at the over-refined self-image of the Bengalis. To many, it was nothing short of heresy. At the same time, the apparent irrational over-exuberance also corresponded to the fact that Bengalis by nature are excitable.
As a Bengali who has grown up and spent 25 years in Kolkata, I know that my community has a penchant for “Hujuk” – an evocative term that signifies infectious craziness. In the past, Kolkata has gone berserk for Lionel Messi, Diego Maradona, Pele, Nelson Mandela and even Princess Diana and Fidel Castro. When I used to stay in Kolkata, up to about 10 years back, I witnessed astonishingly that the Annual Book Fair in our “Maidan” saw more food consumed than books sold! Hence I believe that the spontaneous frenzy over SRK and his band of brave hearts was in keeping with a tradition of excitability.
Middle class Kolkata is blessed with a diaspora larger than the resident population. The exiles, like me, look back wistfully at the city they abandoned, sometimes grudgingly and sometimes with a heavy heart. Good English-speaking successful Bengalis living outside Bengal have nurtured an image of Kolkata that corresponds to their own self-image – cultured, well-versed, romantic and well-rounded. I am sure that such a Kolkata has not ceased to exist, but it constitutes only a fragment of the many enclaves that make up the city right now. It is unfortunate that the “cream of the city” is not living there anymore.
It is with a heavy heart that I must also admit that no other city in India has been the object of so much pitiable condescension as Kolkata, a city that has forgotten the taste of success. KKR’s victory gave them a reason to celebrate. Hence they filled up Eden gardens in thousands on a sultry and humid May afternoon. For India’s other metros preoccupied with life and business, a T20 victory would have been just one of those things.
Still, I would love to go back to the city where I belong to and spend evenings in Victoria Memorial. I would love to throng the walkways alongside the Ganges with an egg-chicken roll in hand, I would love to view the sunset from Scoop, I would love to gorge on phuchkas on Garer Math and breathe in the fresh air of spring in Peace Park!! My heart still stays with the city I miss the most - Kolkata.
Monday, March 26, 2012
You and I - 5
About three months had passed since they last talked to each other. He was mentally torn asunder. He was an extremely emotional person and his feelings were protuberant. His family gauged his mind well, tried their best to assuage him and decided to fix up his marriage in the last week of February. The engagement was fixed on New Year’s Eve. Sagarika, the prospective bride, was apparently beautiful, graceful and soft spoken, but had an austere air about her. He did not drool over her, nor did she slobber over him. He was unusually staid in front of her, which was very unlike him. He seemed to stultify his magnetic personality. As he began to talk to her, he fathomed that she had a haughty mentality. It was one thing he loathed.
It was December 12. He was to turn 26 the next day. He missed his love even more that day. He remembered all the beautiful moments that they had shared all these years, even though she was married. He remembered how she bunked her cooking class to meet him, he remembered her sweet voice pulling his leg on the phone, he remembered her pampering when he was distraught and he remembered his silence being deeply understood by a caressing voice.
However, now, it was left to Sagarika to take care of his feelings. This festered him no end. He felt as if his life was over. They were on two opposite sides of the spectra, and it was almost impossible for them to understand each other. He used to crave for a miracle, but it did not happen. It was the worst birthday-eve he had ever hoped to spend. He fought with Sagarika on the pettiest of issues that day and spoilt his entire evening.
What made it worse for him was the fact that just a month back he had arranged for a lovely surprise gift for Sagarika on her birthday, and both families had a gala evening. He felt that didn’t he deserve even that bit, at least a happy evening? Was he so worthless that any goddamn Sagarika could come and tell him whatever she wanted to, on such a special day? Or was she determined for some reason to spoil the party for him? Nobody had an answer. He came back home dejected from Sagarika’s mansion.
It was 12 am. His mobile rang. He expected only one name popping up on the screen of the gadget. It used to be her every year, year after year for the last 4 years. This time, it was his cousin. Many people called till about 1 am, including Sagarika, but he did not care a hoot. For the rest of the night he could not close his heavy eyes laden with tear. Nobody was there to wipe it off either. At 6 am, he got up from bed and got off to the nearby park for his jogging drills. He had to reach office by 9 am and distribute invitation cards for his engagement.
It was December 12. He was to turn 26 the next day. He missed his love even more that day. He remembered all the beautiful moments that they had shared all these years, even though she was married. He remembered how she bunked her cooking class to meet him, he remembered her sweet voice pulling his leg on the phone, he remembered her pampering when he was distraught and he remembered his silence being deeply understood by a caressing voice.
However, now, it was left to Sagarika to take care of his feelings. This festered him no end. He felt as if his life was over. They were on two opposite sides of the spectra, and it was almost impossible for them to understand each other. He used to crave for a miracle, but it did not happen. It was the worst birthday-eve he had ever hoped to spend. He fought with Sagarika on the pettiest of issues that day and spoilt his entire evening.
What made it worse for him was the fact that just a month back he had arranged for a lovely surprise gift for Sagarika on her birthday, and both families had a gala evening. He felt that didn’t he deserve even that bit, at least a happy evening? Was he so worthless that any goddamn Sagarika could come and tell him whatever she wanted to, on such a special day? Or was she determined for some reason to spoil the party for him? Nobody had an answer. He came back home dejected from Sagarika’s mansion.
It was 12 am. His mobile rang. He expected only one name popping up on the screen of the gadget. It used to be her every year, year after year for the last 4 years. This time, it was his cousin. Many people called till about 1 am, including Sagarika, but he did not care a hoot. For the rest of the night he could not close his heavy eyes laden with tear. Nobody was there to wipe it off either. At 6 am, he got up from bed and got off to the nearby park for his jogging drills. He had to reach office by 9 am and distribute invitation cards for his engagement.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
You and I - 4
His words did not flinch her at all. She did reply but her words were vague and inconclusive as before. He felt that she was insouciant, giving lame excuses, and portraying spurious affection. She kept asking him for time to express her feelings, but he did not have much of it anyway. Diverse sources of information revealed that she was enjoying her personal and family life, but he had none of that. She had a loving husband to look up to, but he was still single,lonely and madly in love with her. He knew that societal taboos might not allow them to come together ever, but he continued to love her, helplessly. Her sweet and loquacious style, which drove him crazy before, now made him disconsolate. He felt that there was no difference between a person who has no emotions and a person who has, but cannot express them for some reason or the other. He hated himself for expressing his feelings to her. From now on, it was more of a case of self-counselling for him and moving on in life.
Monday, March 5, 2012
You and I - 3
The series of confabulations over phone and email did not seem to make any headway into their relationship. He was running out of patience. She was neither committing nor backing away; his heart and mind were becoming increasingly brittle, and with the weight of expectations which were not being fulfilled, they were getting shattered every moment. Male ego did not allow him to cry aloud, fear of ignominy did not allow him to discuss matters with dear ones. He was passing through a disastrous phase in life.
The things that pissed him off even more were her lacklustre responses to his intense feelings. If he called her up thrice a day, she was calling once in three days. He doubted whether this was the same intense and romantic girl he loved, or have things suddenly changed. He was simmering with anger and decided to pen down his feelings.
“I trusted you with all my heart, opened it up to you, but you just smiled. I thought that you loved to express, hence I loved you. You were a complete natural and your simplicity drove me crazy. Now I see that you are caught up in a web of complex, claustrophobic and meaningless relationships. To me, nights do seem long without you, but is it the same with you? I do not think it is. To me love has never been stronger, but is it the same with you? I do not think it is. I am always there for you if you do need me, but can I expect the same from you? I do not think I can. I hope that I am wrong in reading your mind, but I don’t think I am.
However, I promise you one thing. My sense of self-dignity would not allow me to sustain this level of one-sided intensity forever, because, I strongly feel that reciprocity is the basic foundation stone of any successful love story. I appreciate that you are an independent and ambitious individual and you have every right to choose people in your life, but you should not start taking people for granted. Till now I always wanted you to be happy, and I always wanted that I should be contributing a major chunk to that happiness. Now I see that you don’t need me to be truly happy. In your life, I am like a redundant topping of chocolate sauce, which does not enrich the sweetness of the dessert if added to a chocolate base already ingrained with nuts and almonds. I don’t have any objections to that, but had you communicated the reality a bit earlier, it would have saved both of us a lot of time and energy.
Sincerely yours…”
The things that pissed him off even more were her lacklustre responses to his intense feelings. If he called her up thrice a day, she was calling once in three days. He doubted whether this was the same intense and romantic girl he loved, or have things suddenly changed. He was simmering with anger and decided to pen down his feelings.
“I trusted you with all my heart, opened it up to you, but you just smiled. I thought that you loved to express, hence I loved you. You were a complete natural and your simplicity drove me crazy. Now I see that you are caught up in a web of complex, claustrophobic and meaningless relationships. To me, nights do seem long without you, but is it the same with you? I do not think it is. To me love has never been stronger, but is it the same with you? I do not think it is. I am always there for you if you do need me, but can I expect the same from you? I do not think I can. I hope that I am wrong in reading your mind, but I don’t think I am.
However, I promise you one thing. My sense of self-dignity would not allow me to sustain this level of one-sided intensity forever, because, I strongly feel that reciprocity is the basic foundation stone of any successful love story. I appreciate that you are an independent and ambitious individual and you have every right to choose people in your life, but you should not start taking people for granted. Till now I always wanted you to be happy, and I always wanted that I should be contributing a major chunk to that happiness. Now I see that you don’t need me to be truly happy. In your life, I am like a redundant topping of chocolate sauce, which does not enrich the sweetness of the dessert if added to a chocolate base already ingrained with nuts and almonds. I don’t have any objections to that, but had you communicated the reality a bit earlier, it would have saved both of us a lot of time and energy.
Sincerely yours…”
Thursday, December 29, 2011
TRIP TO CONFIDENT AMOON
About a month back our lab manager Arjun had sent out an invitation for the final team meeting of 2011 for the GE Water team. He had also professed that not only we would have the meeting offsite, but also that it would be followed by lunch. Arrangements for the gala outing commenced about three weeks in advance. Careful planning and negotiations on the best possible package that different resorts were offering, were on in full swing. Sathees was our point of contact for the occasion, but many of us bombarded him with ideas so that we could have a trip worth remembering.
Among the resorts shortlisted were PALM MEADOWS, CONFIDENT AMOON, THE LEELA and MATHAN. However, after many deliberations, discussions and brainstorming sessions, everybody zeroed in on CONFIDENT AMOON, a plush resort built in Egyptian style with a lot of serenity around, located on the Bangalore-Chennai highway about 35 km from our office campus.
It was 9.15 am on December 15, 2011. Four Toyota Innova SUVs had been booked for the occasion. Around 6 of us, hopped onto each one of them. It was an overcast and cool morning in Bangalore, with hardly any sunshine, just the kind of weather you crave for when you are contemplating a road trip. We were racing through the National Highway (NH 4) in about 20 minutes time and it was an absolute treat. To me, it felt like one of those romantic getaways in New Zealand, which I have always been infatuated about, but never ever experienced. The dark grey horizon added to the mystique and romance, and we covered about 35 kilometers in 30 minutes time.
A gigantic statue of Pharaoh Tutan Khamun welcomed us at the picturesque entrance to this glamorous resort cum spa facility. All 25 of us were inside the resort roughly within 15 minutes of each other, and we all were provided with a welcome drink that soothed our thirsty taste buds. First up, we decided to take a stroll around this magnificent facility. There were lovely cottages scattered around with dedicated mini-swimming pools for each. There was a miniature golf course with 9 holes and a huge ground with flood light facilities meant for cricket, soccer and volleyball, besides exquisitely manicured lawns. To top it all, the place was exceedingly quiescent, which was a therapeutic relief to our senses. We were overwhelmed at first sight.
It was close to 10.30 am when we entered the conference room that was booked for us. We had carried our own projector too, and it took some time to set the hardware up for Arjun’s presentation to begin. It was a team-building activity in itself. The only thing that was not satisfactory about the room provided was that it was too bright and illuminated for a projected presentation to happen. However, we chose the darkest possible spot in the room to position the screen and set the ball rolling.
The interactive presentation went on for about 2 hours, with Arjun exchanging his typical anecdotes in between, which made us burst into laughter every now and then. At lunch, the buffet arrangements inside a mini-cave personified both aesthetics and royalty. The lights were dim, the temperatures were cool and atmosphere was eerie. It gave us a feeling of being inside a real cave, the difference being, in this one, you had boys in uniform ready at your service.
We had a lot of chit-chat during the course of our lunch, which is not always possible on normal working days in office. If the food was great with multiple cuisines to choose from for both vegetarian and non-vegetarian lovers, the dessert items were even better. It was the first time that many people had the pleasure of having Lauki ka Halwa, but the Kala Jamoon, Rice Kheera and Rajbhog were equally good. It was a sumptuous meal.
After lunch, we decided that there should be some form of fun-filled physical workout that would help us in digesting all the spicy stuff we had taken! The consensus was reached to play cricket, and the management team of the resort kindly obliged by providing us the ground for about 90 minutes. The ground was named Thebes. It was agreed upon that a 10-over-per-side match would be played between Mohan’s XI and Chaitra’s XI.
The cricket match was the most enjoyable and hilarious part of our trip. Whether it was Vijaysai’s or Kalyan’s bowling or Madhuri’s batting or Siva’s umpiring or Anil’s dropping of catches or JP’s scorekeeping, comments were overflowing from all quarters and laughter was ubiquitous. Narain and Arjun were the frontrunners in witty humor; however we joined in for the laughter. It was tremendous fun coupled with a lot of frolic. Chaitra’s XI won the match in the end. It was after a long time that many of us played, and we were literally exhausted. We freshened up a bit, and decided to call it a day at about 3.30 pm.
The great thing about this occasion was that, it is not often that we get a chance to know our team members from such close quarters in office. This outing was one such opportunity for all of us to rediscover our relationship with peers. In our day to day office activities, we develop so many false impressions about people and react in unjustified mannerisms towards them. However, what I realized was, such outings help you mix with people away from work and help you to positively modify your perception about them. Eventually we all become better human beings.
As I mentioned earlier, this outing was supposed to be just the final team meeting of 2011, but it turned out to be a lot more enriching and enjoyable than that, in the true sense of the word. It was an outing every one of us cherished from the bottom of our hearts.
Among the resorts shortlisted were PALM MEADOWS, CONFIDENT AMOON, THE LEELA and MATHAN. However, after many deliberations, discussions and brainstorming sessions, everybody zeroed in on CONFIDENT AMOON, a plush resort built in Egyptian style with a lot of serenity around, located on the Bangalore-Chennai highway about 35 km from our office campus.
It was 9.15 am on December 15, 2011. Four Toyota Innova SUVs had been booked for the occasion. Around 6 of us, hopped onto each one of them. It was an overcast and cool morning in Bangalore, with hardly any sunshine, just the kind of weather you crave for when you are contemplating a road trip. We were racing through the National Highway (NH 4) in about 20 minutes time and it was an absolute treat. To me, it felt like one of those romantic getaways in New Zealand, which I have always been infatuated about, but never ever experienced. The dark grey horizon added to the mystique and romance, and we covered about 35 kilometers in 30 minutes time.
A gigantic statue of Pharaoh Tutan Khamun welcomed us at the picturesque entrance to this glamorous resort cum spa facility. All 25 of us were inside the resort roughly within 15 minutes of each other, and we all were provided with a welcome drink that soothed our thirsty taste buds. First up, we decided to take a stroll around this magnificent facility. There were lovely cottages scattered around with dedicated mini-swimming pools for each. There was a miniature golf course with 9 holes and a huge ground with flood light facilities meant for cricket, soccer and volleyball, besides exquisitely manicured lawns. To top it all, the place was exceedingly quiescent, which was a therapeutic relief to our senses. We were overwhelmed at first sight.
It was close to 10.30 am when we entered the conference room that was booked for us. We had carried our own projector too, and it took some time to set the hardware up for Arjun’s presentation to begin. It was a team-building activity in itself. The only thing that was not satisfactory about the room provided was that it was too bright and illuminated for a projected presentation to happen. However, we chose the darkest possible spot in the room to position the screen and set the ball rolling.
The interactive presentation went on for about 2 hours, with Arjun exchanging his typical anecdotes in between, which made us burst into laughter every now and then. At lunch, the buffet arrangements inside a mini-cave personified both aesthetics and royalty. The lights were dim, the temperatures were cool and atmosphere was eerie. It gave us a feeling of being inside a real cave, the difference being, in this one, you had boys in uniform ready at your service.
We had a lot of chit-chat during the course of our lunch, which is not always possible on normal working days in office. If the food was great with multiple cuisines to choose from for both vegetarian and non-vegetarian lovers, the dessert items were even better. It was the first time that many people had the pleasure of having Lauki ka Halwa, but the Kala Jamoon, Rice Kheera and Rajbhog were equally good. It was a sumptuous meal.
After lunch, we decided that there should be some form of fun-filled physical workout that would help us in digesting all the spicy stuff we had taken! The consensus was reached to play cricket, and the management team of the resort kindly obliged by providing us the ground for about 90 minutes. The ground was named Thebes. It was agreed upon that a 10-over-per-side match would be played between Mohan’s XI and Chaitra’s XI.
The cricket match was the most enjoyable and hilarious part of our trip. Whether it was Vijaysai’s or Kalyan’s bowling or Madhuri’s batting or Siva’s umpiring or Anil’s dropping of catches or JP’s scorekeeping, comments were overflowing from all quarters and laughter was ubiquitous. Narain and Arjun were the frontrunners in witty humor; however we joined in for the laughter. It was tremendous fun coupled with a lot of frolic. Chaitra’s XI won the match in the end. It was after a long time that many of us played, and we were literally exhausted. We freshened up a bit, and decided to call it a day at about 3.30 pm.
The great thing about this occasion was that, it is not often that we get a chance to know our team members from such close quarters in office. This outing was one such opportunity for all of us to rediscover our relationship with peers. In our day to day office activities, we develop so many false impressions about people and react in unjustified mannerisms towards them. However, what I realized was, such outings help you mix with people away from work and help you to positively modify your perception about them. Eventually we all become better human beings.
As I mentioned earlier, this outing was supposed to be just the final team meeting of 2011, but it turned out to be a lot more enriching and enjoyable than that, in the true sense of the word. It was an outing every one of us cherished from the bottom of our hearts.
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