You and I - 4

His words did not flinch her at all. She did reply but her words were vague and inconclusive as before. He felt that she was insouciant, giving lame excuses, and portraying spurious affection. She kept asking him for time to express her feelings, but he did not have much of it anyway. Diverse sources of information revealed that she was enjoying her personal and family life, but he had none of that. She had a loving husband to look up to, but he was still single,lonely and madly in love with her. He knew that societal taboos might not allow them to come together ever, but he continued to love her, helplessly. Her sweet and loquacious style, which drove him crazy before, now made him disconsolate. He felt that there was no difference between a person who has no emotions and a person who has, but cannot express them for some reason or the other. He hated himself for expressing his feelings to her. From now on, it was more of a case of self-counselling for him and moving on in life.

You and I - 3

The series of confabulations over phone and email did not seem to make any headway into their relationship. He was running out of patience. She was neither committing nor backing away; his heart and mind were becoming increasingly brittle, and with the weight of expectations which were not being fulfilled, they were getting shattered every moment. Male ego did not allow him to cry aloud, fear of ignominy did not allow him to discuss matters with dear ones. He was passing through a disastrous phase in life.

The things that pissed him off even more were her lacklustre responses to his intense feelings. If he called her up thrice a day, she was calling once in three days. He doubted whether this was the same intense and romantic girl he loved, or have things suddenly changed. He was simmering with anger and decided to pen down his feelings.

“I trusted you with all my heart, opened it up to you, but you just smiled. I thought that you loved to express, hence I loved you. You were a complete natural and your simplicity drove me crazy. Now I see that you are caught up in a web of complex, claustrophobic and meaningless relationships. To me, nights do seem long without you, but is it the same with you? I do not think it is. To me love has never been stronger, but is it the same with you? I do not think it is. I am always there for you if you do need me, but can I expect the same from you? I do not think I can. I hope that I am wrong in reading your mind, but I don’t think I am.

However, I promise you one thing. My sense of self-dignity would not allow me to sustain this level of one-sided intensity forever, because, I strongly feel that reciprocity is the basic foundation stone of any successful love story. I appreciate that you are an independent and ambitious individual and you have every right to choose people in your life, but you should not start taking people for granted. Till now I always wanted you to be happy, and I always wanted that I should be contributing a major chunk to that happiness. Now I see that you don’t need me to be truly happy. In your life, I am like a redundant topping of chocolate sauce, which does not enrich the sweetness of the dessert if added to a chocolate base already ingrained with nuts and almonds. I don’t have any objections to that, but had you communicated the reality a bit earlier, it would have saved both of us a lot of time and energy.

Sincerely yours…”

TRIP TO CONFIDENT AMOON

About a month back our lab manager Arjun had sent out an invitation for the final team meeting of 2011 for the GE Water team. He had also professed that not only we would have the meeting offsite, but also that it would be followed by lunch. Arrangements for the gala outing commenced about three weeks in advance. Careful planning and negotiations on the best possible package that different resorts were offering, were on in full swing. Sathees was our point of contact for the occasion, but many of us bombarded him with ideas so that we could have a trip worth remembering.

Among the resorts shortlisted were PALM MEADOWS, CONFIDENT AMOON, THE LEELA and MATHAN. However, after many deliberations, discussions and brainstorming sessions, everybody zeroed in on CONFIDENT AMOON, a plush resort built in Egyptian style with a lot of serenity around, located on the Bangalore-Chennai highway about 35 km from our office campus.

It was 9.15 am on December 15, 2011. Four Toyota Innova SUVs had been booked for the occasion. Around 6 of us, hopped onto each one of them. It was an overcast and cool morning in Bangalore, with hardly any sunshine, just the kind of weather you crave for when you are contemplating a road trip. We were racing through the National Highway (NH 4) in about 20 minutes time and it was an absolute treat. To me, it felt like one of those romantic getaways in New Zealand, which I have always been infatuated about, but never ever experienced. The dark grey horizon added to the mystique and romance, and we covered about 35 kilometers in 30 minutes time.

A gigantic statue of Pharaoh Tutan Khamun welcomed us at the picturesque entrance to this glamorous resort cum spa facility. All 25 of us were inside the resort roughly within 15 minutes of each other, and we all were provided with a welcome drink that soothed our thirsty taste buds. First up, we decided to take a stroll around this magnificent facility. There were lovely cottages scattered around with dedicated mini-swimming pools for each. There was a miniature golf course with 9 holes and a huge ground with flood light facilities meant for cricket, soccer and volleyball, besides exquisitely manicured lawns. To top it all, the place was exceedingly quiescent, which was a therapeutic relief to our senses. We were overwhelmed at first sight.

It was close to 10.30 am when we entered the conference room that was booked for us. We had carried our own projector too, and it took some time to set the hardware up for Arjun’s presentation to begin. It was a team-building activity in itself. The only thing that was not satisfactory about the room provided was that it was too bright and illuminated for a projected presentation to happen. However, we chose the darkest possible spot in the room to position the screen and set the ball rolling.

The interactive presentation went on for about 2 hours, with Arjun exchanging his typical anecdotes in between, which made us burst into laughter every now and then. At lunch, the buffet arrangements inside a mini-cave personified both aesthetics and royalty. The lights were dim, the temperatures were cool and atmosphere was eerie. It gave us a feeling of being inside a real cave, the difference being, in this one, you had boys in uniform ready at your service.

We had a lot of chit-chat during the course of our lunch, which is not always possible on normal working days in office. If the food was great with multiple cuisines to choose from for both vegetarian and non-vegetarian lovers, the dessert items were even better. It was the first time that many people had the pleasure of having Lauki ka Halwa, but the Kala Jamoon, Rice Kheera and Rajbhog were equally good. It was a sumptuous meal.

After lunch, we decided that there should be some form of fun-filled physical workout that would help us in digesting all the spicy stuff we had taken! The consensus was reached to play cricket, and the management team of the resort kindly obliged by providing us the ground for about 90 minutes. The ground was named Thebes. It was agreed upon that a 10-over-per-side match would be played between Mohan’s XI and Chaitra’s XI.

The cricket match was the most enjoyable and hilarious part of our trip. Whether it was Vijaysai’s or Kalyan’s bowling or Madhuri’s batting or Siva’s umpiring or Anil’s dropping of catches or JP’s scorekeeping, comments were overflowing from all quarters and laughter was ubiquitous. Narain and Arjun were the frontrunners in witty humor; however we joined in for the laughter. It was tremendous fun coupled with a lot of frolic. Chaitra’s XI won the match in the end. It was after a long time that many of us played, and we were literally exhausted. We freshened up a bit, and decided to call it a day at about 3.30 pm.

The great thing about this occasion was that, it is not often that we get a chance to know our team members from such close quarters in office. This outing was one such opportunity for all of us to rediscover our relationship with peers. In our day to day office activities, we develop so many false impressions about people and react in unjustified mannerisms towards them. However, what I realized was, such outings help you mix with people away from work and help you to positively modify your perception about them. Eventually we all become better human beings.

As I mentioned earlier, this outing was supposed to be just the final team meeting of 2011, but it turned out to be a lot more enriching and enjoyable than that, in the true sense of the word. It was an outing every one of us cherished from the bottom of our hearts.

You and I - 2

About a week passed. He used to check his emails every day, but the one he was gasping for was not in sight. Patience was running out, love was strengthening its roots deep inside his heart, the assumption that “silence was approval” was slowly gaining weightage and expectations were getting stronger by the minute. It was Valentine’s Day eve – 12 am, February 14, when he finally found that she had replied. She wrote….

“I really do not know what to say to your email. I respect your feelings, but at the same time, I am helpless. I am literally dumbstruck and caught between the proverbial Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. I have always felt very relieved whenever I have discussed my little problems with you. Your presence in person and your voice on the phone will always be a gush of fresh oxygen in my life. Nobody can substitute that feeling of mine, not even my husband. However, the fact is that there IS strong emotional attachment, and a sense of loyalty and responsibility, between the two of us. I agree that he is not perfect, but neither am I, nor you. As we have started to grow in our marital relationship, as we spend more time together, our mutual understanding is getting better as well. Nowadays, he is much more caring and sensitive than he used to be 6 months back and I strongly feel that things would only get better. At this crucial juncture of our relationship, I do not want my infidelity to ruin it all. After all, we all belong to respected and educated families and I do not want to demean my family in any way, by taking a rash and senseless step. I understand that it might be difficult for you, but I would not like to stretch our relationship beyond friendship. I know there are a lot of unanswered questions in your mind, but this is all I have to say. I really want you to get married soon. Please do take care, for me, if not for yourself, because you are really SPECIAL to me. Best wishes…”

You and I - 1

He met her in a party a year ago and liked her at the first instant, but he was not sure whether that was love or not. It seemed to him that she liked him as well, but he was not sure. She was already married, and he did not have the guts to ask her about it straightaway. They kept meeting sparingly in different forums and he felt that he was getting deeper into attraction with every meeting. Finally after one year, he could not take it anymore and decided to send her a note…….

"Sometimes I ask myself that why on earth did we not meet earlier than we actually did. Or if we had done so, would life have been anything different for both you and me? I would never muster up enough audacity for elocution of my innermost feelings towards you. I do not want to be delinquent either towards certain people who matter, and I am sure you understand that. You might have liked many a people in life, much more than you like me right now, but that does not deter me from getting attracted towards you. There is something about you that pulls me. Your voice, your persona, your smile, your ebullience….I do not know exactly what that is. However what I can assure you that such feelings are not ephemeral, nor are such inferences a conjecture. The rare talents you have enthrall me and force me to respect you, and with deep respect evolves love. Sharing a few jokes and opening up my feelings to you makes me lighter, and I enjoy every little bit of you, whatever you give me. I sincerely wish that my words does not smell of perfidy. My relationship with you is much deeper than what the world perceives. I took a while to gauge you, but now I feel that you are the one who is made for me. Looking forward to your reply….Sincerely yours…."

Mausam’s Marriage…Archi’s Vidai and thereafter…

I was not present in “Udayachal” on the morning following marriage day, which was on the 4th of August. Hence I did not witness the “Bashi Biye” ritual, where the bride and the groom customarily revisit the mandap on which they got married and worship sun-god. At 5 in the evening, Chotka, Tum and I reached “Udayachal” to bring home the bride and the groom to Beadon Street.

Soon after, the process of “Vidai” commenced from the bride’s family, with a heavy heart and teary eyes. Their dearest daughter, with whom they had stayed, and shared their all, would leave forever, to spend the rest of her life with her partner. All elders started to give their blessings to the couple, which they humbly accepted. It was a corpulent emotional moment for Archi, but she was unbelievably steady and enduring. There was no teary outburst and no ostentatious expressions of grief from her side, and hence her family also controlled themselves well. She camouflaged her sorrow in an extremely matured manner. Let everyone be assured that not many brides can do that.

After the blessings were rendered and received, the bride’s family surrounded the groom like a pack of wolves would do when they see a rabbit – all for the sake of a small monetary token. This is also a practice that is prevalent in Bengali marriages. Legend goes that the groom, before taking the bride, has to pay some amount to his in-laws, especially to brothers, sisters and cousins, failing which he would not be allowed to leave! In one word, it is extortion in a very good and humorous spirit. After extensive bargaining, Mausam and his in-laws settled for a paltry sum of Rs 5001/-.

We left “Udayachal” at about 7 pm and reached Beadon Street at about 7.45. Bubu’s mother did the welcoming ceremony (“Boron”) and right up front, Archi was handed a small live fish to hold. A pitcher filled with milk was being heated in a small wood lit fire nearby, and the custom was that as soon as the milk would boil and overflow, the bride would come in. Unfortunately, the milk took about 40 minutes to simmer, and Archi was made to wait with the live fish in hand, in that sapping humidity. At the same time, a plate containing lac dye and milk was also placed near the feet of the bride.

As soon as the milk simmered, people exploded in ecstasy, and Archi was asked to put her two feet on the plate. She did so, and her subsequent steps up to the drawing room were on top of a white cloth. This particular custom, where one captures the footprints of the bride, is symbolic of the arrival of Goddess Lakshmi into the household, bringing peace, prosperity and wealth. That particular night was also supposed to be “Kaal Ratri” where the couple is supposed to sleep not only in separate rooms, but also not look at each other.

“Boubhat” was held on the afternoon of 5th of August. Here, at lunchtime, the bride (Bou) is supposed to serve cooked rice (Bhat) to the groom’s entire family. Archi did that diligently. In the evening, a grand reception was organized in Ramdoolal Niwas, 67E Beadon Street, popularly known as “Thakur Bari” in the Deb household.

However, to start with, and contrary to the expectations of lesser mortals, the attraction of the evening was my respected father-in-law and mother-in-law and not the newly wed couple. Incidentally, 5th August 2011 was their 30th marriage anniversary as well, and what a grand occasion it was to celebrate that moment. Bubu had ordered a humongous four-storey cake a month back, but had not informed his parents about it, but Kuhu and I knew about it. It was supposed to be a big SURPRISE, and it turned out to be that way. At 7.30 pm, when some guests had already arrived, I had the privilege to announce to the audience about the occasion, which many of them were not aware of. The cake was cut by “Shoshur Moshai and Shashuri Maa” and to their dismay, we made them exchange garlands as well, reliving their moments of past glory. It was after this that the actual reception party started to gather steam.

There were around 650 people on that evening inside Ramdoolal Niwas, and all the soft drinks and fruit juices were exhausted. Due to the hot weather and sapping humidity, people could not eat much, and a lot of food was left over. After the guests left, Mum Mum, Mitul, Rituporna boudi and I, gathered all gifts collected during the evening and brought it back to Bubu’s bedroom. Kuhu and a few others were decorating the bed with flowers for the Flower Bed Ceremony (“Ful Shojja”). For the newly wed couple, that is the night for consummation.

After putting the gifts inside the room, Mitul, Mum Mum and I left for our respective homes, but Kuhu stayed on. To add to the drama, the unbearably hot and sultry eight days of build-up, the marriage itself, and reception culminated in heavy torrential showers and lightening at midnight that day. Somebody said that the rain gods were waiting for Bubu’s marriage to get over before they poured. It was an apt statement.

To make matters worse, the rains did not stop till four days after the reception, and the streets were water logged. Two days later, Kuhu, my mother-in-law and I drove to Dakshineswar temple on the banks of the Ganges amidst heavy rain and offered puja to Goddess Kali. On the day we were supposed to come back to Bangalore, it rained heavily as well and our SUV almost got stuck in the water at Rajarhat.

It was a tremendously eventful ten days at Kolkata and it was a wonderful feeling to relive those memories and pen it down in three posts. Hope the readers enjoyed it !!

Mausam’s Marriage…D-Day

After all the exciting build-up that I had talked about in my last post, D-day finally arrived. The day started with “Dodhi Mangal” at the stroke of dawn. According to custom, seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ritual) are supposed to take the groom on the banks of the Ganga, invoke mother Ganges and invite her to the marriage, take a pitcher of water from the river and come back and feed the groom with the holy water, sweet curd (Dodhi) and rice. However, over the centuries, all customs get diluted and this is no different. Although I was not present in person, I am almost certain that even on this instance, the groom was only fed with water, curd and rice by seven ladies, and the Ganges trip was bypassed !

In Bengali marriages, it has also traditionally been a custom to have a kid groom/bride (“Nitbor/Nitkone” respectively) participating in some of the rituals along with the groom/bride. In Bubu’s case it had to be a “Nitbor”, and, our very own Roadu turned out to be excellent in that role. He was a cute little 6-year old cousin of Bubu’s, and was never overawed by the occasion. He seemed to enjoy the limelight of a hundred cameras and eyes.

The first major attraction of the day was the “Gae Holud” ceremony. Bubu and Roadu were made to dress up in a white dhoti, with a small “gamcha” put over their shoulders. Seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ceremony, although they may witness it) then started to apply turmeric (holud) paste on the faces and chests of Bubu and Roadu with some small rituals. These two guys, also had a “Topor” on, which is a customary headgear supposed to be worn by the groom and the kid groom on marriage day.

After the ceremony concluded, Chotka, Kukai, I and a few others were scheduled to leave for the bride’s house with “Totto” - an assortment of gifts that is sent to the bride’s house from the groom’s house before the wedding ritual. This is also known as “Gae Holud Totto.” Just before leaving however, one of our elderly ladies put a handful of turmeric paste on my face, and unfortunately, most of it spilled on to my white kurta. I did not have an alternative dress at that point of time, and in the heat of the moment I lost my cool a bit. Finally, I did change my dress and mood, got a fresh kurta on, and left for the bride’s house. The morning was already turning out to be quite an eventful one.

The next pre-wedding custom was supposed to be “Vriddhi” or “Nannimukh”. This event actually happened soon after we left for the bride’s house, and hence I was not able to witness it. In “Vriddhi”, homage is paid to ancestors by either the father of the groom or, his paternal uncle. I do not know who performed it in the end, but whoever did, had to be in a liquid diet whole day.

When we reached Archi’s (the bride) house, her father was performing the “Vriddhi” for their ancestors. We were given a grand reception, and the gifts were welcomed with a lot of appreciation and smiles. We were offered sweets, beverages and even lunch. However, we left their place just before lunch time. A different, but equally elaborate and exotic set of gifts, known as “Adhibas Totto” was also expected to be sent from the bride’s house to the groom’s house, a day after the marriage.

We were scheduled to leave, with the groom and the kid groom, to the bride’s place at about 7 pm. The marriage ceremony was expected to start at about 8.30pm. From 5 pm, the dressing-up started among the ladies. Sarees, jewelleries and cosmetics were all over the place. Complete pandemonium prevailed. Three of us including the groom were dumped in one of the corner rooms for our embellishment. Most of us including the groom wore “kochano dhuti” along with lovely exotic silk “Punjabis” (Kurta). A dew white I-20 was reserved for the groom, kid groom, the groom’s father, the priest and the barber (in our marriages, a barber, known as “Napit”, is also an integral part). The car was beautifully adorned with flowers and it was a royal departure.

All relatives travelling from our side for the marriage, known as “Bor Jatri”, dispersed themselves into different cars, some hired and some personal. Kuhu and I got inside Arijit’s Fiat Punto. Bubu’s journey towards a new phase of his life got off to a worse possible start when their I-20 was badly hit at its rear by a bus. It was terrible news upfront. Luckily for us, nobody was injured, but the car was damaged to a great extent.

After all the drama, we reached “Udayachal”, the venue for the marriage ceremony at about 8.15 pm. The groom was welcomed with blowing conch shells and ululation. Archi’s mother performed all the welcome rituals, as part of blessings and as part reverence, to mark this auspicious moment. After a few minutes, the “Ashirbaad porbo” (blessings to the groom and bride, separately in two rooms) started. At around 9 pm, the actual marriage ceremony started and it went on for about just over an hour. At about 10.30 pm, Archi and Mausam were pronounced husband and wife.

Photo sessions, fun, gossip and socializing happened in that two-hour time slot right from the time we came in to the time marriage concluded. After dinner, the groom, the bride and around ten people, including friends and a few very close relatives sat down in a big hall together. This phenomenon is known as “Bashor”. According to custom, on this night, the couple is not allowed to sleep together, and the relatives, through fun and frolic, see to it that practice is followed.

I remember, it was sapping humid that night, and still we had a lot of fun. We chatted almost whole night, we sang songs, and Kukai had a sip of Vodka with sprite. At 5 am, the rest of the group went to sleep but myself and Arijit decided that we would come back home. That was because we had to come back to receive the groom and the bride from Udayachal that evening itself, and for that we needed to be fresh. For me, the best place to freshen up has always been my house in Hindusthan Park, and so I decided to have it that way. Arijit dropped me to a nearby bus stop and at about 5.30am I took a bus for home. I reached home at about 6.30 am and went off to deep slumber.

It was a tremendous last 24 hours, with laughter, boiling tempers, songs, fun, frolic, hard work, drinks, food and activity. The arrival of Archi in Beadon Street, the reception party and a few surprises were still in store for us. More of that in my next post !!