Mausam’s Marriage…Archi’s Vidai and thereafter…

I was not present in “Udayachal” on the morning following marriage day, which was on the 4th of August. Hence I did not witness the “Bashi Biye” ritual, where the bride and the groom customarily revisit the mandap on which they got married and worship sun-god. At 5 in the evening, Chotka, Tum and I reached “Udayachal” to bring home the bride and the groom to Beadon Street.

Soon after, the process of “Vidai” commenced from the bride’s family, with a heavy heart and teary eyes. Their dearest daughter, with whom they had stayed, and shared their all, would leave forever, to spend the rest of her life with her partner. All elders started to give their blessings to the couple, which they humbly accepted. It was a corpulent emotional moment for Archi, but she was unbelievably steady and enduring. There was no teary outburst and no ostentatious expressions of grief from her side, and hence her family also controlled themselves well. She camouflaged her sorrow in an extremely matured manner. Let everyone be assured that not many brides can do that.

After the blessings were rendered and received, the bride’s family surrounded the groom like a pack of wolves would do when they see a rabbit – all for the sake of a small monetary token. This is also a practice that is prevalent in Bengali marriages. Legend goes that the groom, before taking the bride, has to pay some amount to his in-laws, especially to brothers, sisters and cousins, failing which he would not be allowed to leave! In one word, it is extortion in a very good and humorous spirit. After extensive bargaining, Mausam and his in-laws settled for a paltry sum of Rs 5001/-.

We left “Udayachal” at about 7 pm and reached Beadon Street at about 7.45. Bubu’s mother did the welcoming ceremony (“Boron”) and right up front, Archi was handed a small live fish to hold. A pitcher filled with milk was being heated in a small wood lit fire nearby, and the custom was that as soon as the milk would boil and overflow, the bride would come in. Unfortunately, the milk took about 40 minutes to simmer, and Archi was made to wait with the live fish in hand, in that sapping humidity. At the same time, a plate containing lac dye and milk was also placed near the feet of the bride.

As soon as the milk simmered, people exploded in ecstasy, and Archi was asked to put her two feet on the plate. She did so, and her subsequent steps up to the drawing room were on top of a white cloth. This particular custom, where one captures the footprints of the bride, is symbolic of the arrival of Goddess Lakshmi into the household, bringing peace, prosperity and wealth. That particular night was also supposed to be “Kaal Ratri” where the couple is supposed to sleep not only in separate rooms, but also not look at each other.

“Boubhat” was held on the afternoon of 5th of August. Here, at lunchtime, the bride (Bou) is supposed to serve cooked rice (Bhat) to the groom’s entire family. Archi did that diligently. In the evening, a grand reception was organized in Ramdoolal Niwas, 67E Beadon Street, popularly known as “Thakur Bari” in the Deb household.

However, to start with, and contrary to the expectations of lesser mortals, the attraction of the evening was my respected father-in-law and mother-in-law and not the newly wed couple. Incidentally, 5th August 2011 was their 30th marriage anniversary as well, and what a grand occasion it was to celebrate that moment. Bubu had ordered a humongous four-storey cake a month back, but had not informed his parents about it, but Kuhu and I knew about it. It was supposed to be a big SURPRISE, and it turned out to be that way. At 7.30 pm, when some guests had already arrived, I had the privilege to announce to the audience about the occasion, which many of them were not aware of. The cake was cut by “Shoshur Moshai and Shashuri Maa” and to their dismay, we made them exchange garlands as well, reliving their moments of past glory. It was after this that the actual reception party started to gather steam.

There were around 650 people on that evening inside Ramdoolal Niwas, and all the soft drinks and fruit juices were exhausted. Due to the hot weather and sapping humidity, people could not eat much, and a lot of food was left over. After the guests left, Mum Mum, Mitul, Rituporna boudi and I, gathered all gifts collected during the evening and brought it back to Bubu’s bedroom. Kuhu and a few others were decorating the bed with flowers for the Flower Bed Ceremony (“Ful Shojja”). For the newly wed couple, that is the night for consummation.

After putting the gifts inside the room, Mitul, Mum Mum and I left for our respective homes, but Kuhu stayed on. To add to the drama, the unbearably hot and sultry eight days of build-up, the marriage itself, and reception culminated in heavy torrential showers and lightening at midnight that day. Somebody said that the rain gods were waiting for Bubu’s marriage to get over before they poured. It was an apt statement.

To make matters worse, the rains did not stop till four days after the reception, and the streets were water logged. Two days later, Kuhu, my mother-in-law and I drove to Dakshineswar temple on the banks of the Ganges amidst heavy rain and offered puja to Goddess Kali. On the day we were supposed to come back to Bangalore, it rained heavily as well and our SUV almost got stuck in the water at Rajarhat.

It was a tremendously eventful ten days at Kolkata and it was a wonderful feeling to relive those memories and pen it down in three posts. Hope the readers enjoyed it !!

Mausam’s Marriage…D-Day

After all the exciting build-up that I had talked about in my last post, D-day finally arrived. The day started with “Dodhi Mangal” at the stroke of dawn. According to custom, seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ritual) are supposed to take the groom on the banks of the Ganga, invoke mother Ganges and invite her to the marriage, take a pitcher of water from the river and come back and feed the groom with the holy water, sweet curd (Dodhi) and rice. However, over the centuries, all customs get diluted and this is no different. Although I was not present in person, I am almost certain that even on this instance, the groom was only fed with water, curd and rice by seven ladies, and the Ganges trip was bypassed !

In Bengali marriages, it has also traditionally been a custom to have a kid groom/bride (“Nitbor/Nitkone” respectively) participating in some of the rituals along with the groom/bride. In Bubu’s case it had to be a “Nitbor”, and, our very own Roadu turned out to be excellent in that role. He was a cute little 6-year old cousin of Bubu’s, and was never overawed by the occasion. He seemed to enjoy the limelight of a hundred cameras and eyes.

The first major attraction of the day was the “Gae Holud” ceremony. Bubu and Roadu were made to dress up in a white dhoti, with a small “gamcha” put over their shoulders. Seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ceremony, although they may witness it) then started to apply turmeric (holud) paste on the faces and chests of Bubu and Roadu with some small rituals. These two guys, also had a “Topor” on, which is a customary headgear supposed to be worn by the groom and the kid groom on marriage day.

After the ceremony concluded, Chotka, Kukai, I and a few others were scheduled to leave for the bride’s house with “Totto” - an assortment of gifts that is sent to the bride’s house from the groom’s house before the wedding ritual. This is also known as “Gae Holud Totto.” Just before leaving however, one of our elderly ladies put a handful of turmeric paste on my face, and unfortunately, most of it spilled on to my white kurta. I did not have an alternative dress at that point of time, and in the heat of the moment I lost my cool a bit. Finally, I did change my dress and mood, got a fresh kurta on, and left for the bride’s house. The morning was already turning out to be quite an eventful one.

The next pre-wedding custom was supposed to be “Vriddhi” or “Nannimukh”. This event actually happened soon after we left for the bride’s house, and hence I was not able to witness it. In “Vriddhi”, homage is paid to ancestors by either the father of the groom or, his paternal uncle. I do not know who performed it in the end, but whoever did, had to be in a liquid diet whole day.

When we reached Archi’s (the bride) house, her father was performing the “Vriddhi” for their ancestors. We were given a grand reception, and the gifts were welcomed with a lot of appreciation and smiles. We were offered sweets, beverages and even lunch. However, we left their place just before lunch time. A different, but equally elaborate and exotic set of gifts, known as “Adhibas Totto” was also expected to be sent from the bride’s house to the groom’s house, a day after the marriage.

We were scheduled to leave, with the groom and the kid groom, to the bride’s place at about 7 pm. The marriage ceremony was expected to start at about 8.30pm. From 5 pm, the dressing-up started among the ladies. Sarees, jewelleries and cosmetics were all over the place. Complete pandemonium prevailed. Three of us including the groom were dumped in one of the corner rooms for our embellishment. Most of us including the groom wore “kochano dhuti” along with lovely exotic silk “Punjabis” (Kurta). A dew white I-20 was reserved for the groom, kid groom, the groom’s father, the priest and the barber (in our marriages, a barber, known as “Napit”, is also an integral part). The car was beautifully adorned with flowers and it was a royal departure.

All relatives travelling from our side for the marriage, known as “Bor Jatri”, dispersed themselves into different cars, some hired and some personal. Kuhu and I got inside Arijit’s Fiat Punto. Bubu’s journey towards a new phase of his life got off to a worse possible start when their I-20 was badly hit at its rear by a bus. It was terrible news upfront. Luckily for us, nobody was injured, but the car was damaged to a great extent.

After all the drama, we reached “Udayachal”, the venue for the marriage ceremony at about 8.15 pm. The groom was welcomed with blowing conch shells and ululation. Archi’s mother performed all the welcome rituals, as part of blessings and as part reverence, to mark this auspicious moment. After a few minutes, the “Ashirbaad porbo” (blessings to the groom and bride, separately in two rooms) started. At around 9 pm, the actual marriage ceremony started and it went on for about just over an hour. At about 10.30 pm, Archi and Mausam were pronounced husband and wife.

Photo sessions, fun, gossip and socializing happened in that two-hour time slot right from the time we came in to the time marriage concluded. After dinner, the groom, the bride and around ten people, including friends and a few very close relatives sat down in a big hall together. This phenomenon is known as “Bashor”. According to custom, on this night, the couple is not allowed to sleep together, and the relatives, through fun and frolic, see to it that practice is followed.

I remember, it was sapping humid that night, and still we had a lot of fun. We chatted almost whole night, we sang songs, and Kukai had a sip of Vodka with sprite. At 5 am, the rest of the group went to sleep but myself and Arijit decided that we would come back home. That was because we had to come back to receive the groom and the bride from Udayachal that evening itself, and for that we needed to be fresh. For me, the best place to freshen up has always been my house in Hindusthan Park, and so I decided to have it that way. Arijit dropped me to a nearby bus stop and at about 5.30am I took a bus for home. I reached home at about 6.30 am and went off to deep slumber.

It was a tremendous last 24 hours, with laughter, boiling tempers, songs, fun, frolic, hard work, drinks, food and activity. The arrival of Archi in Beadon Street, the reception party and a few surprises were still in store for us. More of that in my next post !!

Mausam’s Marriage…The build-up…

My brother-in-law Mausam’s marriage was one of the most enjoyable events that I have attended in my lifetime. Those ten days had such a plethora of incidents from pleasant to worse, that, one would have to try really hard to erase even one bit of those memories. In this post, I would indite incidents only up to marriage-eve. In my next post, I would describe the marriage-day itself and events thereafter.

When I and Kuhu left Bangalore, our bodies had been toned to 21 degree Celsius, 50% relative humidity, huge reserves of energy and willingness to work. All that turned on its head, when we got out of our 6E-156 Indigo flight, on the night of 29th of July. Kolkata was simmering at 34 degree Celsius, with an equally sweaty humidity quotient of 97%. We got drenched in perspiration in 10 minutes, and tempers boiled straight away. “Dada ar shomoi pelo na biye korar. Bari giye oke bolbo jeno kuri khana A/C r byabostha kore. Uff ei gorome shajbo ki kore and kaaj korbo ki kore…(Big bro could not find a worse moment to marry. I would instruct him to get around 20 A/Cs planted all across the function hall. In this sapping heat and humidity, how can anyone do any work or embellish oneself with make-ups??).. ” were the first comments from an angry and irritated Kuhu. We reached the “Deb Household”, on 67B Beadon Street, on the evening of 30th of July, four days before the marriage, which was scheduled on the 3rd of August.

By that time itself, we had no energy left in us. We were exhausted already. Gallons of chilled water and soft drinks were flowing down our throats. There was no urge to talk, move around or even eat. Suddenly at 9.30 pm I realized that I had left my mobile phone inside the cab while coming to Beadon Street. We could not possibly have had a more dreadful and atrocious start to this supposedly happy sojourn of Mausam’s (Bubu) marriage ceremony. Luckily for me, the person who picked up the phone from the cab had been kind enough to keep it switched on, so that we could track it. He stayed in Rippon Street, one of the most notorious Muslim localities in south-central Kolkata. At 10.30 pm, Bubu, chotka and I picked the phone up from the gentleman’s residence.

The next two days were relatively less eventful, but the heat and humidity were really getting under our skin. It was getting exceedingly difficult to work and organize things for D-day, but we had no choice. The breakdown of a power station far down in Kolaghat, put the final nail on the coffin. To back the sapping heat, there was no power for two days. Extra power back-up was envisaged, in case there was a black-out on marriage day (that did not take place however).

On marriage-eve, the last night of bachelorhood (Iburo) for Bubu, we decided to have a blast. The rituals at lunch time were over and done with, and we were literally getting bored after that. At 8 in the evening, six of us including the would-be groom gatecrashed into a Saltlake Sector V pub to have a real party. Bubu himself described it as the “final piece of enjoyment” before getting hitched for a lifetime. We danced ourselves crazy to the loudest pieces of music you could ever hope to hear. For Bubu, it was as if he was emancipating himself even before bondage. On marriage day he had to get up at 4am for some small rituals, but the previous night, we returned at 1.30am. So basically that night he had less than 3 hours of sleep. That took its toll the next morning however, albeit to a very small extent.

It was a fantastic buildup to the marriage itself, and the best was yet to come. More of that in my next post !! So stay tuned…

An ensemble of sheer brilliance….

Sunday, the 17th of July 2011, will always be enshrined in my memory as a day to cherish and savor. It was an evening when three of India’s greatest classical artistes unleashed their rarest talents and overawed an audience who were left to ponder over their greatness. Pandit Bickram Ghosh, with his electro-classical variety of percussion, and, Shobha Mudgal and Bombay Jayshri with their “jugalbandi” of Hindustani Classical and Carnatic classical music, literally set the stage on fire at the MLR convention Centre in Whitefield.

I had never attended Shobha Mudgal at a live concert, which was always a grievance to date. Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to absorb every moment of this rarest of rare opportunities. It is not that I am very knowledgeable about the nitty-gritties of Indian Classical music, but when great artistes put forward such extraordinary renditions, they are a therapeutic treat to the soul and senses.

Pandit Bickram Ghosh was the first one to take stage however. He has always been an artiste who loves to engage the audience with anecdotes, little details about the number that he and his team is about to play, the “raagas” involved and so on. Yesterday was no different. He pumped us up straight away. That made the experience all the more exciting and sweet. He started with the “Dance of Shiva” which was based on “Raag Jog” and never looked back, until he signed off with a number that was part of his debut album with Sony Music in 2000, based on “Raag Banjara.” We clapped, we whistled, we moved with the rhythm and we enjoyed. His music was a confluence of the east and the west, classical and rock, orthodox and the abstract. I was attending Bickram Ghosh live after almost 8 years, and it left me speechless.

The ten-minute break between performances seemed too little to take us out of the awe that Pandit Bickram had put us into. Shobha Mudgal and Bombay Jayshri, in “jugalbandi”, were much more purely classical in their performance, serene, slow and soothing, but equally enthralling. They were more focused in performing themselves, and did not engage the audience too much. That was the biggest contrast between the two sets of performers. If Pandit Bickram set our hearts pumping, Shobha and Jayashri cooled us down, with their greatness.

The experience would not have been a reality if Kuhu had not informed me about the happening of the event, the venue, and the contact person for passes. Hence I am thankful to her as well. At the end of it all, we were left to remember, ponder, reflect and savor the performances of these magnificent sons and daughters of our proud motherland. In a nutshell, we were enriched by an ensemble of sheer brilliance.

Enlighten your loved ones, but never hold yourself accountable for their misery…..

Some relationships, sometimes, make you feel shockingly helpless. The bonds are so strong that you cannot let them go, but at the same time you are frustrated that they are not on the path of truth, righteousness and self-dignity.As an individual, I strongly uphold my self-esteem and principles. Hence it becomes extremely difficult to handle a situation, where, my loved one keeps compromising on these attributes, and most importantly, never listens to my words of abandoning such cowardly acts inspite of suffering immensely for this folly.

A scenario arises where your loved one is complaining to you about his/her sufferings in life, you have the solution to the malady, you provide that to him/her, but he/she is not strong enough to implement that solution and end the suffering. It is very frustrating and infuriating for you in such a circumstance. Neither can you abandon your loved one with his/her problem, nor can you find peace with yourself by solving the problem.

In the Mahabharata, Bhishma had asked for the remedy to his woes to Lord Krishna. He had pleaded enlightenment on what is the right path for him – to provide moral and armed support to the Pandavas, or to get rooted like an immovable banyan tree to his paternal Hastinapur, thereby fighting for the prurient Duryodhana. The dilemma for Bhishma was that he knew Pandavas were on the path of truth, but he also knew that Duryodhana was the face of the kingdom by virtue of being Dhritarashtra’s eldest son. Lord Krishna had advised him not to divert from truth, but Bhishma ultimately took Duryodhana’s side in Kurukshetra and got laid in a bed arrows until death. This was the culmination of his one wrong decision despite knowing what was right and what was not.

Lord Krishna had later said that his job was to explain the right things to Bhishma, but the job of implementation was upto him. At the end of the day, decision making and assertiveness has to be the prerogative of the person who is suffering, although imparting enlightenment and wisdom is the duty of well wishers. The latter should be in no way held responsible for the miseries of the former, especially if words wisdom had not been hidden.

I guess, this philosophy is easier said than followed in actual life, but there is no doubt that this is the wisest thing to do. Hope I and all others like me can do the same and save themselves from unnecessary emotional disturbances. After all, detachment and performance of duty, and not the repurcussions of these, are the two pillars on which our religion stands, isnt’t it?

Anna and Baba have sent shock waves among India’s leadership brigade…..

It has been almost a month-and-a-half since we first saw a septuagenarian Gandhian rise like a phoenix from the ashes, and take the government head-on, to curb corruption and elicit accountability and integrity amongst people who have responsibility and power. As he conducted his first fast, the media enlightened us a lot more about him and his past. The government started to take notice as well, and a Lokpal Bill with relevant provisions was mooted.

The only reason why an irrelevant Lokpal Bill, with a whole bag of loopholes, has not been passed in Parliament is because Anna has not let that happen. He has rightly demanded that each and every of the 1 billion heads in this enormous and diverse country have to come under the purview of this bill, including the PM and judiciary. Quite expectedly, this has not gone down well with the policy makers, but the agitation continues on our part through Anna.

However, just as the policy makers were slowly starting to immune themselves from the Anna struggle, Baba Ramdev gave them a huge jolt. He started agitations and fasts to bring back black money which are stashed away in foreign banks for the last 50 years. This was even deadlier to the government, because unlike a low-profile Anna, Baba, through his Yoga exploits, has become a huge mass leader. He can gather millions with just one call for justice. That is what exactly happened at the Ramlila Maidan in New Delhi last week. On top of that, there were thousands of NRIs who were with Baba from foreign shores. This rattled the governement to such an extent that they were forced to evict Baba with all his supporters out of New Delhi in midnight hours, through brutal police force. Some columnists have also compared this incident to the infamous Jallianwala Bagh massacre of 1919.

It is now imperative that Anna and Baba compliment each other to the fullest, and bring the perpetrators of corruption down on their haunches. They have singular styles of revolt – one is austere, non-violent, demure and believes in deeds more than words, while the other is flamboyant, well-versed, expressive and motivating. Right now there is talk that Anna and Baba should combine their movements and become an even more potent force against money-laudering and corruption. I really do wish that this happens, because their independent movements have sent shock waves amongst India’s leadership brigade. Their combined movement would uproot them.

Bangalore needs to address some serious issues to sustain growth….

I have spent almost four years now in the garden city of Bangalore. I have witnessed the rapid growth in the infrastructure here in that period of time – roads, shops and malls, multiplex theatres, ring roads (albeit they are tolled right now), meaningful flyovers that really reduce commuter time without creating bottlenecks, and of course, housing societies. It is absolutely incredible to see that almost every other day, new housing complexes with all modern amenities required, and plush and spacious villas are coming up on the outskirts of the city at strategic locations.

People in my hometown in Kolkata, who have never been here, knowingly or otherwise have always showered praise and expressed awe at the mere thought of their son/daughter getting a job here. However, are things really that good here? Or to put it in another way, are all the good things that are happening here really enough to sustain this unprecedented mad growth in human capital? The question becomes all the more relevant, especially, when we consider that Bangalore is the IT hub of India, almost 35% of India’s technical workforce are based here.

The two biggest problems here according to me are the availability of electricity and water. These are, on the whole, India’s problems as well, but it seems that other cities are better off. These problems are even more exaggerated in summer. One wonders during that time, when water supply is only for a couple of hours a day, that how on earth we are working in the world’s biggest company, and at the same time do not have enough water to take a shower at a convenient time.

In my childhood days, I had heard stories about the dark days in villages. Apart from regular power cuts, there is another problem that exists in rural India. The power goes off as soon the wind picks up to 50 km/hr, or there is slight heavy rainfall with lightening. This is exactly the phenomenon that is commonplace in Bangalore. Sometimes we get the impression that we are living in a remote village in Bihar or Chattisgarh and not in the Silicon Valley of India.

Hence the bottom line is irrespective of how much improvement is achieved in infrastructure and job creation, it is imperative and obligatory for Bangalore to provide uninterrupted supply of electricity and power to all its citizens all the time. Otherwise, it would not be long before Gurgaon, Noida and Pune would become flocking capitals for India’s youth brigade.