In the Indian sporting arena, if you think of passion for playing for the country, enthusiasm, fitness levels and involvement in his game, you would not struggle to find the only name that fits all these attributes. Leander Paes, even at 37, remains the same, as if he has only just begun playing tennis.
I would not list down his achievement over the past 20 years here. That is for everybody to see, especially the innumerable upsets that he has created in Davis Cup, and his exploits in Men’s Doubles with Mahesh Bhupathi. However, what set him apart from the others of his ilk are his indomitable spirit and his desire to excel in whatever he does.
I had read an article long back about the Barcelona Olympics in 1992, where India had a terrible outing. The Chef-de-Mission for India during those Games, the late Mr Ashok Ghosh, had said that Paes, who was only 19 that time, was the only Indian athlete who had self-belief and was showing passion on the field. This in itself was a tremendous certificate.
Leander has always given his best performances whenever he has played for India – Davis Cup, Olympics and Asian Games. It seemed that for most people Davis Cup put pressure on their shoulders, hindering them from a good performance. However, for Leander it put pressure under his shoulder, which propelled him to lift himself. At a time when Indian athletes were not known for their spirit, he inspired, and there lied his greatness. He is still playing extremely good tennis at the ATP circuit and continues to do India proud at the world stage. Youngsters have a lot to learn from him.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
If you hurt somebody, then have patience and mend his heart….
In my previous post, I had written about how harsh criticism, especially from somebody who you love and respect, can be so damaging to you psychologically. It would really test your self-belief to the brim to get back to your normal confident self. In that post I had talked from the perspective of the victim of the criticism. Today, I would say something from the point-of-view of the perpetrator.
If you have criticized somebody dear to you very harshly, hurt his/her ego in a fit of anger in spite of loving and respecting him/her under normal circumstances, then you know that it would be very hurting to him/her. In that scenario, he/she may react in many ways. He/she may hurt you back, may shout at you for no reason or, if that person is extra sensitive, then he/she may not even talk to you for a while. That period would be very difficult for you to handle.
Under such circumstances, I would say it would be best for you to speak to him/her in very sweet and friendly terms, and have some patience. Even if he/she does not pick up your phone, or does not reply to your sms, or declines to meet you in person, just persist with your sweetness. Express feelings which suggest that you are really sorry for what you have done. Sending ecards, cute sms, or whatever that person likes is a very good way to mend hearts. A very natural feeling for you is to get frustrated because you cannot improve his/her mood after the incident, but you should never indulge in it. Remember that all your efforts are towards getting back the person you love so deeply. With time, even the other person would realize that whatever you had said was not meant to hurt him/her but only an expression of your bad mood on that particular moment. He/she will forgive you eventually and things would get back to normal.
However the lesson to be learnt from such incidents is that you should never hurt the ego of your loved ones, and make general statements about their character, even at extreme situations. For example, you can always say that “You have behaved very badly today” but you should never say that “You are very rude and insensitive.” Sensitive individuals with a high degree of self-esteem tend to remember such words for a long time, which might be detrimental to any relationship.
If you have criticized somebody dear to you very harshly, hurt his/her ego in a fit of anger in spite of loving and respecting him/her under normal circumstances, then you know that it would be very hurting to him/her. In that scenario, he/she may react in many ways. He/she may hurt you back, may shout at you for no reason or, if that person is extra sensitive, then he/she may not even talk to you for a while. That period would be very difficult for you to handle.
Under such circumstances, I would say it would be best for you to speak to him/her in very sweet and friendly terms, and have some patience. Even if he/she does not pick up your phone, or does not reply to your sms, or declines to meet you in person, just persist with your sweetness. Express feelings which suggest that you are really sorry for what you have done. Sending ecards, cute sms, or whatever that person likes is a very good way to mend hearts. A very natural feeling for you is to get frustrated because you cannot improve his/her mood after the incident, but you should never indulge in it. Remember that all your efforts are towards getting back the person you love so deeply. With time, even the other person would realize that whatever you had said was not meant to hurt him/her but only an expression of your bad mood on that particular moment. He/she will forgive you eventually and things would get back to normal.
However the lesson to be learnt from such incidents is that you should never hurt the ego of your loved ones, and make general statements about their character, even at extreme situations. For example, you can always say that “You have behaved very badly today” but you should never say that “You are very rude and insensitive.” Sensitive individuals with a high degree of self-esteem tend to remember such words for a long time, which might be detrimental to any relationship.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Harsh criticism tests your self-belief…
Holding on to self-belief when faced with a barrage of criticism is the virtue of the wise and the trait of a tough mind. When you begin to understand yourself well, you know what you are good at and what you are not good at. You understand your strengths and weaknesses to a large extent. In such a scenario, if anybody tries to claim that you are not good at some particular thing, which you know you are good at, then that can be very insulting and hurting.
I have faced such scenarios a few times in life, the latest one being very recently. I can tell you that if such harsh criticism comes from somebody you love and respect, then it is very difficult to accept. This is all the more true for people like me who have a high degree of self-esteem. It is very easy to accept criticism of any of your weakness, but never so of your strength. However, if you are a mentally tough individual, you tend to put such baseless allegations behind you and move on. I have always felt that the best way to answer criticism, from anybody, is to keep the mouth shut and to let performances speak. If somebody tells me that I lack confidence, which is totally a false statement, the only way that I can prove that person wrong is by being myself and staying confident in whatever I do every time.
The one thing I believe is that, most of the time, people criticize you harshly because they are jealous of your success. They want you to feel depressed and lose your self-confidence. They are stopping your way by baseless loose talk because you are on the right track and they feel insecure. The best way to counter it is never to lose your confidence and self –belief, no matter what they say, and carry on with what you do best. If you keep doing well, all people who had earlier made a mockery of you or insulted you will die to meet you and show you respect.
I have heard stories about how much Tagore was not given his due respect at one point in his life by the people of the West. He was sharply criticized and some people even went to the extent to say that Tagore cannot write even a line of poetry. That is why when he had received the Nobel Prize in 1913 for Gitanjali, he had written a song in Bengali “Ei Monihar Amai Naahi Shaje.”, which was a humble self recognition that “I am not worthy of such high rewards.” My point is, if people can show disrespect to a genius like Tagore, they can do so to you as well. You may not win a Nobel Prize to shut their mouths, but you can certainly lead a confident and successful life by never letting go of your self-belief.
I have faced such scenarios a few times in life, the latest one being very recently. I can tell you that if such harsh criticism comes from somebody you love and respect, then it is very difficult to accept. This is all the more true for people like me who have a high degree of self-esteem. It is very easy to accept criticism of any of your weakness, but never so of your strength. However, if you are a mentally tough individual, you tend to put such baseless allegations behind you and move on. I have always felt that the best way to answer criticism, from anybody, is to keep the mouth shut and to let performances speak. If somebody tells me that I lack confidence, which is totally a false statement, the only way that I can prove that person wrong is by being myself and staying confident in whatever I do every time.
The one thing I believe is that, most of the time, people criticize you harshly because they are jealous of your success. They want you to feel depressed and lose your self-confidence. They are stopping your way by baseless loose talk because you are on the right track and they feel insecure. The best way to counter it is never to lose your confidence and self –belief, no matter what they say, and carry on with what you do best. If you keep doing well, all people who had earlier made a mockery of you or insulted you will die to meet you and show you respect.
I have heard stories about how much Tagore was not given his due respect at one point in his life by the people of the West. He was sharply criticized and some people even went to the extent to say that Tagore cannot write even a line of poetry. That is why when he had received the Nobel Prize in 1913 for Gitanjali, he had written a song in Bengali “Ei Monihar Amai Naahi Shaje.”, which was a humble self recognition that “I am not worthy of such high rewards.” My point is, if people can show disrespect to a genius like Tagore, they can do so to you as well. You may not win a Nobel Prize to shut their mouths, but you can certainly lead a confident and successful life by never letting go of your self-belief.
KBC has brought back old memories…
The iconic Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC) episodes, in its entire new avatar, are back on Indian television sets. The difference is however that Amitabh Bachchan himself has grown ten years older since he appeared first time in the show, and of course the channel in which the show is aired is different. Although KBC had launched two more versions, I was not part of the audience to these. Two days back, I was witnessing KBC ten years after the first time it was masterminded by Siddhartha Basu in the year 2000.
I remember, back in 2000 KBC had created a huge hype and fan following because it was one of the first reality-shows on Indian television. Besides that, the curiosity that Amitabh Bachchan created was immense. It was after a long hiatus that he was being seen on the screen, and the first time on small screen. I was just a year into college that time and the excitement was even more. Every weekday at 9 pm, Maa, Baba, Dada, Thakuma and myself used to gather in our drawing room, leaving aside everything starting from studies to gossip to kitchen. It was a true family gathering. Every question asked on the show was discussed and we used to fight over the answers that were displayed on screen. If Baba said “Option B tai thik”, I used to oppose and opine that “Na go, Option A tai hobe.” Maa used to get irritated sometimes and shouted “Uff, tora ektu chup korbi ebar, ektu shunte dibi amai?”Every correct answer was cheered as well, by all five of us.
I remember once that a person from Kolkata won Rs 50 lakhs on the show and that was the highest winning cash prize that time. Till that time nobody had reached the magic figure of Rs 1 crore. The excitement that we were feeling for that gentleman, even though we would not get a penny of that, was amazing. KBC had become religion to the middle class household.
Ten years on, as I have started viewing the KBC again, quite a few things have changed in my personal life as well. Baba is no more, Maa does not enjoy such shows anymore, Dada has got married and is about to become a father in a months time, we have shifted into our new flat, Thakuma is suffering from incessant memory losses and I am staying alone in Bangalore. The moments of a hilariously filled drawing room are only in my memory. Right now, it is only I, and my empty drawing room here in Bangalore who absorb the special TV show, which had given our family one more reason to smile ten years back.
I remember, back in 2000 KBC had created a huge hype and fan following because it was one of the first reality-shows on Indian television. Besides that, the curiosity that Amitabh Bachchan created was immense. It was after a long hiatus that he was being seen on the screen, and the first time on small screen. I was just a year into college that time and the excitement was even more. Every weekday at 9 pm, Maa, Baba, Dada, Thakuma and myself used to gather in our drawing room, leaving aside everything starting from studies to gossip to kitchen. It was a true family gathering. Every question asked on the show was discussed and we used to fight over the answers that were displayed on screen. If Baba said “Option B tai thik”, I used to oppose and opine that “Na go, Option A tai hobe.” Maa used to get irritated sometimes and shouted “Uff, tora ektu chup korbi ebar, ektu shunte dibi amai?”Every correct answer was cheered as well, by all five of us.
I remember once that a person from Kolkata won Rs 50 lakhs on the show and that was the highest winning cash prize that time. Till that time nobody had reached the magic figure of Rs 1 crore. The excitement that we were feeling for that gentleman, even though we would not get a penny of that, was amazing. KBC had become religion to the middle class household.
Ten years on, as I have started viewing the KBC again, quite a few things have changed in my personal life as well. Baba is no more, Maa does not enjoy such shows anymore, Dada has got married and is about to become a father in a months time, we have shifted into our new flat, Thakuma is suffering from incessant memory losses and I am staying alone in Bangalore. The moments of a hilariously filled drawing room are only in my memory. Right now, it is only I, and my empty drawing room here in Bangalore who absorb the special TV show, which had given our family one more reason to smile ten years back.
Monday, October 18, 2010
This Durga Puja was extra special…
It was only yesterday that I came back to Bangalore after spending five days in Kolkata. The festival of Durga Puja had engulfed the minds of millions of Bengalis, both here and abroad, during this period. The crowded streets, the highly innovatively designed pandals, the “Bonedi” pujas, 24 hour live TV coverage by different channels and the worship ritual itself were enthralling, as they are every year. This year however, was extra special.
Normally when I am in Kolkata during the pujas, I spend a lot of time hopping the pandals throughout the city. This time, it was a lot different. Barring one day (Ashtami) when I spent almost the entire day in Kuhu's house, I was with Kuhu alone, away from the crowd, away from the madness and away from gazing eyes and curious smiles. This puja allowed me to come even closer to Kuhu emotionally. We spent a lot of time together talking, kidding, laughing and of course sometimes fighting too! However, every moment was special.
I also had a rare opportunity to witness the puja in Kuhu’s home - the respected “Chatu Babu-Latu Babur Bari” at Beadon Street on Ashtami. I have always enjoyed the pujas in a “Bonedi Bari”, which are traditional and orthodox households of Kolkata with a true flavour of Bengal. People of north Kolkata always give you a feeling of heritage, a feeling of pride and happiness that comes from being a Bengali. The traditional attire that the family members adorn themselves with, and the hospitality they provide is amazing. On top of that there is an ownership and intimacy in the way that they conduct the pujas. That is really pleasant to the eyes and senses of any true Bengali.
Kuhu and myself spent the last Nabami evening together on the banks of the Ganges in Baghbazar. The curve that the river takes towards Howrah from the Dakshineswar side is just amazingly picturesque. Looking at that, you never seem to get lost for words, and we never let that happen. Finally at 8pm, when we thought that we should turn towards home, it was so painful.
She could not to come to the airport to see me off the next day. Hence the last time I saw her face was at 9 pm on Nabami night, at the junction of CR Avenue and Beadon Street. Devotees wish their mother Durga good-bye with tears of joy on Vijaya Dashami. However, there were two lesser mortals standing on the mouth of an alley in north Kolkata, one day before, bidding each other’s idols goodbye with sobbing hearts, marking the end of a wonderful and memorable stretch of five days.
Normally when I am in Kolkata during the pujas, I spend a lot of time hopping the pandals throughout the city. This time, it was a lot different. Barring one day (Ashtami) when I spent almost the entire day in Kuhu's house, I was with Kuhu alone, away from the crowd, away from the madness and away from gazing eyes and curious smiles. This puja allowed me to come even closer to Kuhu emotionally. We spent a lot of time together talking, kidding, laughing and of course sometimes fighting too! However, every moment was special.
I also had a rare opportunity to witness the puja in Kuhu’s home - the respected “Chatu Babu-Latu Babur Bari” at Beadon Street on Ashtami. I have always enjoyed the pujas in a “Bonedi Bari”, which are traditional and orthodox households of Kolkata with a true flavour of Bengal. People of north Kolkata always give you a feeling of heritage, a feeling of pride and happiness that comes from being a Bengali. The traditional attire that the family members adorn themselves with, and the hospitality they provide is amazing. On top of that there is an ownership and intimacy in the way that they conduct the pujas. That is really pleasant to the eyes and senses of any true Bengali.
Kuhu and myself spent the last Nabami evening together on the banks of the Ganges in Baghbazar. The curve that the river takes towards Howrah from the Dakshineswar side is just amazingly picturesque. Looking at that, you never seem to get lost for words, and we never let that happen. Finally at 8pm, when we thought that we should turn towards home, it was so painful.
She could not to come to the airport to see me off the next day. Hence the last time I saw her face was at 9 pm on Nabami night, at the junction of CR Avenue and Beadon Street. Devotees wish their mother Durga good-bye with tears of joy on Vijaya Dashami. However, there were two lesser mortals standing on the mouth of an alley in north Kolkata, one day before, bidding each other’s idols goodbye with sobbing hearts, marking the end of a wonderful and memorable stretch of five days.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Celebrating 100 steps to Unleashing Myself……
It might be trivial to many, absurd to some and inconsequential to a few, but the 100th post for my blog “Unleashing Myself” is very special to me. These are little milestones that I have always cherished and this one was no less. A hundred articles that were posted by me over the last three months have helped me to understand myself even better. It has also given me confidence that I can express my opinions reasonably well in words. I have grown beyond just writing testimonials for my friends in orkut, and adding good captions to all the photographs that I have uploaded in my profile.
I had never written, for any purpose, so extensively before the creation of my blog. This was a major reason that in spite of the journey having its ups and downs, it was very satisfying indeed. During these 100 steps, if so I may call it, I have written about issues, which I have had strong and intense feelings for. I have talked about the most precious individuals in my life – Kuhu, and Maa; I have talked about how much I miss Baba who passed away two years back; I have talked about burning social issues; I have talked about the institution of marriage; I have talked about some very important behavioral aspects that any individual should develop; I have talked about sport; I have also expressed myself about some of the greatest souls that have done India proud over a period of time – Tagore, Ray and Kishore Kumar; I have penned two short stories on a romancing couple who are having a turbulent relationship; and last but not the least, I have expressed some things about myself as well – how I have managed to stay alone all this while, how much I miss Kolkata, how much I have enjoyed life at IIT, what is the vision that I have for my future and of course my experiences of bachelorhood and staying alone.
Usually I used to write one post per day for my blog, but there have been days when I have not been able to gather my thoughts and hence did not write anything. Kuhu has been a real inspiration for me during this period. In fact, she was the only one who used to give me daily feedback about the quality of my writing, the topics themselves and, of course, some additional comments that she might have had. There were a few topics that were suggested by her also. Along the way, I have received constructive feedback about my blog from quite a few people. I have really enjoyed all of that.
Through my blog, as I mentioned earlier, I have been able to express all my feelings that I might not have done through speech. I have always enjoyed writing and I have always tried to keep my posts simple and easy to understand. The intention has never been to show off my English vocabulary to the audience, but it has always been my endeavor to express a given idea in the most appropriate form thorough effective use of the language. I have always believed that the best way to capture interest of any reader is to use simple language so that people do not need a dictionary when they do read my posts. That is the best way to reach out to the masses. However, unknowingly sometimes, the language has been a bit esoteric, and I really apologize to all readers for that.
Quite a few optimistic well wishers have suggested to me that in the future, if I do get sacked from an engineering job, I can very well turn out to be a writer! Comparisons have been made to Chetan Bhagat, who is also one such individual who gave up a lucrative engineering-management career for his passion towards writing. Right now, I must say, that such contemplations are far fetched. However, I would definitely continue to pursue my interest in writing through my blog, and then take life from there. Hope that all respected elders, Kuhu, Maa and my friends would always stand by me and shower me with blessings, love and goodwill, as they have done till now, to help me continue on this sojourn.
I had never written, for any purpose, so extensively before the creation of my blog. This was a major reason that in spite of the journey having its ups and downs, it was very satisfying indeed. During these 100 steps, if so I may call it, I have written about issues, which I have had strong and intense feelings for. I have talked about the most precious individuals in my life – Kuhu, and Maa; I have talked about how much I miss Baba who passed away two years back; I have talked about burning social issues; I have talked about the institution of marriage; I have talked about some very important behavioral aspects that any individual should develop; I have talked about sport; I have also expressed myself about some of the greatest souls that have done India proud over a period of time – Tagore, Ray and Kishore Kumar; I have penned two short stories on a romancing couple who are having a turbulent relationship; and last but not the least, I have expressed some things about myself as well – how I have managed to stay alone all this while, how much I miss Kolkata, how much I have enjoyed life at IIT, what is the vision that I have for my future and of course my experiences of bachelorhood and staying alone.
Usually I used to write one post per day for my blog, but there have been days when I have not been able to gather my thoughts and hence did not write anything. Kuhu has been a real inspiration for me during this period. In fact, she was the only one who used to give me daily feedback about the quality of my writing, the topics themselves and, of course, some additional comments that she might have had. There were a few topics that were suggested by her also. Along the way, I have received constructive feedback about my blog from quite a few people. I have really enjoyed all of that.
Through my blog, as I mentioned earlier, I have been able to express all my feelings that I might not have done through speech. I have always enjoyed writing and I have always tried to keep my posts simple and easy to understand. The intention has never been to show off my English vocabulary to the audience, but it has always been my endeavor to express a given idea in the most appropriate form thorough effective use of the language. I have always believed that the best way to capture interest of any reader is to use simple language so that people do not need a dictionary when they do read my posts. That is the best way to reach out to the masses. However, unknowingly sometimes, the language has been a bit esoteric, and I really apologize to all readers for that.
Quite a few optimistic well wishers have suggested to me that in the future, if I do get sacked from an engineering job, I can very well turn out to be a writer! Comparisons have been made to Chetan Bhagat, who is also one such individual who gave up a lucrative engineering-management career for his passion towards writing. Right now, I must say, that such contemplations are far fetched. However, I would definitely continue to pursue my interest in writing through my blog, and then take life from there. Hope that all respected elders, Kuhu, Maa and my friends would always stand by me and shower me with blessings, love and goodwill, as they have done till now, to help me continue on this sojourn.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
We have mastered the art of forgetting…….
The week gone by proved that how short public memory can be. It showed that even the biggest traumas are not indelible, and can be wiped out by new events. You got the feeling that an entire nation has hit the delete button on their memory simultaneously. Let us take the Commonwealth Games (CWG). Today we celebrate the Games and look forward to winning medals so that it can be a befitting reply to our history. The hatred against the British that fuelled our freedom struggle has long vanished. We have forgotten the Jallianwala Bagh massacre and many other atrocious incidents. However we do remember the trains, schools, colleges, post offices, churches, the architecture and the English language that the British had left behind. The latter has in fact enabled us to open up to the modern world, to science and technology, which we would be forever indebted to them for.
Now, take the Ayodhya verdict. Even before it was announced last week, we knew that whatever happens, India has moved on from 1992. In less than two decades, both Hindus and Muslims have set aside the contentious issue that killed thousands of men, women and children. Despite all efforts by certain political parties to keep the issue alive and sore, it is now dead. Everybody, particularly the young yearn for peace and progressiveness today.
Coming back to the CWG, I am sure that after two weeks of hysteria and India’s gold medal rush, we will forget Suresh Kalmadi and the most shameful and corrupt set of events that preceded the CWG. That our collective memory is getting shorter and shorter is also exemplified by the fact that the Pakistani contingent at the CWG got the biggest ovation after the Indians in the opening ceremony. It amazed me that, we speak so bitterly against Pakistan on every international platform for exporting terrorism to India and destabilising Kashmir, yet we love their sportspersons so much, their actors, singers and even their Page 3 people.
I am not surprised either at the fact that a nation which once hated Mohammad Azharuddin would vote him back as an MP; or in fact an Ajay Jadeja would be a cricket analyst in one of the leading TV channels even after the ignominy that he was handed over by the BCCI. What about the four wrestlers and the two athletes who failed the CWG dope test month? They are all back in the Indian contingent once the CWG has started. After all, we are implementing the first principles of our holy book – forgive and forget.
Now, take the Ayodhya verdict. Even before it was announced last week, we knew that whatever happens, India has moved on from 1992. In less than two decades, both Hindus and Muslims have set aside the contentious issue that killed thousands of men, women and children. Despite all efforts by certain political parties to keep the issue alive and sore, it is now dead. Everybody, particularly the young yearn for peace and progressiveness today.
Coming back to the CWG, I am sure that after two weeks of hysteria and India’s gold medal rush, we will forget Suresh Kalmadi and the most shameful and corrupt set of events that preceded the CWG. That our collective memory is getting shorter and shorter is also exemplified by the fact that the Pakistani contingent at the CWG got the biggest ovation after the Indians in the opening ceremony. It amazed me that, we speak so bitterly against Pakistan on every international platform for exporting terrorism to India and destabilising Kashmir, yet we love their sportspersons so much, their actors, singers and even their Page 3 people.
I am not surprised either at the fact that a nation which once hated Mohammad Azharuddin would vote him back as an MP; or in fact an Ajay Jadeja would be a cricket analyst in one of the leading TV channels even after the ignominy that he was handed over by the BCCI. What about the four wrestlers and the two athletes who failed the CWG dope test month? They are all back in the Indian contingent once the CWG has started. After all, we are implementing the first principles of our holy book – forgive and forget.
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