The hush of your Silence can be very loud indeed…

Silence has always been a very effective art in any conversation. The message that the reticence of silence can portray can sometimes not be expressed by a thousand words. Our ability to remain silent showcases our ability to listen intensely on what is being said. It is not only advisable to say the right things at the right place, but equally so to leave the wrong thing unsaid at the most tempting place, and at a most sensitive moment. I believe Kuhu does this wonderfully well, and I have a lot to learn from her in this aspect, even though, I take pride in my communication skills overall.

Ironically, I believe so at least, that to communicate well through your silence, you have to have great skills of expression. People should read your mind from your body language, smile, deep breaths and eyes. Although this may be done in many spheres of life, I have experienced the power of silence in romance. In fact, when Kuhu and I have gone out together in the past, I used to hardly speak most of the time, and used my silence to communicate.

Since she had never seen me in such sedate moods before, she used to opine that “Shamne thakle tumi to kothai bolo na, khali chup kore thako, tomar joto kotha shob phonei shuni ami”.

This was a mockery in very good humour which meant that “When we are together, you hardly speak to me, although you are a chatterbox on the phone.”

Whenever she has said like this I have always replied that “Dear, during those times it is my mind which speaks, and not my mouth.”

However it does not mean that she cannot understand my deepest feelings during those quiet times. My silence tells her all, because one gaze into the eyes of someone we love so deeply speaks more intensely to the heart than a million poetic verses.

Generally speaking, silence is a powerful sword indeed. We can use silence to understand people around us. However, when we are accustomed to noise, we mistake silence for a lack of understanding instead of the depth of understanding it reveals. It is not necessary that we have to babble a whole lot of crap to make our point every time, but keeping one’s mouth shut for a while also helps a lot. I have always seen that the most successful people know how to practice effective silence. After all, most of us know how to say nothing, but very few of us know how to make our silence speak louder.

Teachers of today have their task cut out…………

India is probably the only country in the world which dedicates an entire day of the calendar year to their teachers. Yesterday, the 05th of September, was that auspicious occasion. The day is meant to symbolize the respect and love that students are supposed to express to their teachers. However, today, the teacher-pupil relationship has been turned on its head. Teachers of today are exposed to a totally new gamut of challenges for these new times.

There used to be a time, even when we were in school 15 years back, when the teacher was a stentorian and beatific personality, imposing an empyrean presence on the class. He had only to enter the classroom for the hush to fall. He could ask tough questions in a gruff voice. It used to be enough for the mind to be set on the right track for the next 45 minutes. Not any longer though. Now, the teacher has to field a barrage of questions from his eloquent and articulate disciples who have access to all kinds of information on the internet. Hence the teachers have to remain updated themselves, and probably subscribe to several online forums. This was beyond thinking sometime back.

There are many teachers who are stressed out with the pressure that the profession brings along these days. They feel that they cannot take action against any children for misbehavior or against people who neglect their studies. At the same time, they are expected to take up innovative measures so that weak students can catch up with the bright ones. Disciplining students can get mighty tough for teachers if both parents and authorities want the students to be treated like pampered kids. This is like tying one’s hands and throwing them into the water. The corporatization of the education system has also rubbed salt into the wounds of the modern day teachers. As a result, the “hire and fire” policy that is displayed by the school authorities also does not chime well in the teaching fraternity.

The upside of all this is that the students today see their teachers as friends rather than as mentors. Teachers are no more feared or revered but seen as equals. Many teachers also send “friend requests” to the students on social networking sites. The thing to ponder over, however, is the “Guru-Shishya” relationship has changed forever.

Parents should let their children earn praise……

I have held this opinion for quite some time now, that these days many parents look for the slightest opportunity to praise their kids in front of strangers, or even distant relatives. They feel that by doing this, their son/daughter would start earning respect and veneration in society. I do not see even a modicum of common sense in this. It is a pity that in the midst of all petty social rivalries, parents of today forget one of the most rudimentary aspects of child upbringing.

The parents that I am talking about are totally oblivious to our mythology, our ancient epics, especially the Mahabharata. If they were not, they would have known the words of Shri Krishna, when he tells Nakula that:

“Hey brave Pandava, I am your friend. Hence there is no value of any praise that I bestow you with. Praise is fully realized and cherished only when your cruellest of enemies shower it on you. Only then you would know that you possess talent.”

Sometimes, even I frustratingly used to admonish my mom to praise me like hell in front of strangers. However she always opposed that demand of mine. Now, after so many years, I realize the amount of good that her restraint has done to me. My mom always says the few lines in Bengali when we discuss this issue-

“Aponaare bhalo bole bhalo shei noi, loke jaare bhalo bole bhalo sheii hoi” which basically means “People who praise themselves or their near and dear ones are never really good, but those who receive praise from outsiders are the real talented ones.”

By ignoring such lines of wisdom parents forget the simple fact that if you get the child or even your grown-up kids used to useless praise then they would definitely lose the urge to earn it themselves, and in that case, not be estimable as individuals. They would find it very difficult to realize the fact that in life, one has to constantly set new benchmarks for oneself and keep striving past oneself. Really wish some common sense prevails somewhere.

Sustaining trust is pivotal to any relationship…….

We all understand the importance of trust in relationships. Reconciliation, intimacy, and close fellowship always depend on forgiveness, respect, love, and trust. Similar to success, trust is such an attribute which is easier to build or create than to sustain. In today’s world, sustained trust has really become a rare phenomenon, be it among countries, couples or other human relationships.

There are many occasions when you are almost tempted to suspect any generous show of affection or unexpected exhibition of appreciation, even from a close relative or a lover who might sometimes give you cause to distrust him or her. No relationship exists without any form of conflicts from time to time, which can drastically affect the trust between the people in the relationships. The ability and manner of managing or resolving conflicts and building trust, is a primary sign of maturity or true spirituality of a person, and portrays the depth of his or her love for the particular person the one has conflicts with. The offended party must learn to build trust for the offender, and the offender must trust that the one he or she offended has sincerely forgiven and released him or her from the chains of the offence, for them to continue loving each other.

“I do not trust you anymore.” “I wonder if I can ever trust you again.” “I never knew you could do that to me.” “How can I forget what you did?” These are among the most common statements we hear in places when trust is broken between two people, especially between couples and lovers. Another familiar quote is: “I do not trust anybody.” When you hear this statement then it clearly indicates to you that the speaker has had a bad experience before or has heard about the unfortunate experiences of someone who innocently or foolishly gave his or her trust to someone and got the trust badly trampled upon, with subsequent damages.

After dealing with offences and resolving all conflicts, the primary hurdle to overcome is the re-establishment of broken trust. Trust is a process and not just an instant act or event. Trust is the process that takes the act of forgiveness to completion, and enables us to establish true love and fellowship with any neighbor or companion. You cannot achieve it as a flight by night or in one sprint, no matter how gigantic your initial effort is.

Without qualities like faith, patience, sincerity, and consistent works of righteousness towards the person you are dealing with, you will forever struggle to trust your husband, wife, child, in-law, relative, or friend. However the challenge for most of us is to display such qualities consistently, especially when the times are demanding. I would presume that this is a lot easier than losing a dear one forever from your life.

Cricket did not deserve such ignominy…..

It was way back in 1998, that Shane Warne had opened a can of worms by claiming that he was offered money to bowl badly in a match. Match fixing was not a household term those days, and the curiosity that piece of revelation had created, trickled away very quickly.

Two years later, Hansie Cronje’s admission to the media and the subsequent match-fixing saga that followed was the most damaging blow to this gentleman’s game. Allegations, counter-allegations, banning icons from national sides and even suspicious deaths of stalwarts like Cronje himself and Bob Woolmer further tainted the reputation of cricket. Over the last ten years, an increasing number of people started to lose faith in a fair exchange between bat and ball. The T20 bash saved face a little bit.

However, last week, Pakistan’s cricketers got involved in probably the “mother of all allegations” – Spot Fixing. Foreign currency equivalent to almost Rs 40 lakhs was found in the hotel room that was occupied by their captain. Young, talented cricketers of the team had to be suspended from the England tour, leave alone the shame inflicted to this cricket-savvy country. As usual, allegations have been flying thick and fast, with RAW (Research and Analysis Wing), which is the Indian intelligence unit, also being blamed by Pakistan.

With just over 5 months to go for the World Cup in the subcontinent, cricket could have done away with such a taint and ignominy. Fears of terrorism has always made people think twice before they reach a cricket stadium these days, but now, there is no guarantee that the two teams, which are sweating on the cricket field would do so honestly. People do not trust the players anymore. Will the scars of match fixing ever heal? Nobody seems to have an answer to it.

Confessions of a harmless mind…….

On a Monday morning, after having bunked office through a fake stomach upset, he sits to write an email to his girlfriend. He wants to confess whatever he is feeling at that point of time.

He writes, “My dear, I cannot bear the pain of staying without you anymore. Days and nights just trickle away in boredom, melancholy and in a fit of depression. I seem to be waiting endlessly for you. I count days when you and I would be together, forever, when there would be no distractions around us, nobody to expect any duties and responsibilities from you except myself. I remember those moments that we spent together, when there was nothing left between the two of us, except love, trust and goodwill. The physical distance between us is driving the hell out of me, forcing me to say things that I would not even think of saying normally.

There is no strength left in me right now. Concentration in work has become as rare as an illuminating moonshine on a new-moon day. Eyelashes do not touch each other at night; I keep staring into the unknown. Every now and then, misunderstandings and petty issues seem to spoil the romance around us. When calm sets in, I realize that all harsh words that had spawned between us were for no reason. We love each other much more intensely than anybody must have ever done. Still, your harsh words sting me harder than a bee would. Tears do not flow out. They seem to have dried up too, when I require them the most.

In times of such distress, all hopes, that I have had the courage to gather all this while, shed like dry leaves in winter. People stamp over those day after day; ignoring my screeching whine of pain. Mutual trust and respect seem to have been lost forever. Self-confidence seems to be at an all time low. I feel like never going back to you again, never loving you again, and never exchanging sweet nothings with you again, but cannot do those either. We are one soul after all.

As time heals the pain of those wounds, we become lovebirds again; promises begin to flow again, just as in the times when we were together. We become totally oblivious to what must have happened a couple of days back and try to make a new beginning. However, old bruises keep opening up, and a plethora of duties keep cropping up for you, blocking the flourish of our unhindered and uninhibited bandwagon of love. I eagerly keep waiting for that elusive expressway, which we would reach after we unite, which would be without any major obstacles, and on which our bandwagon would cruise at 100 kmph. The odd speed breaker would fall in between, but for that, we need not stop ourselves dead still, do we?”

On the same day, after lunch, his girlfriend logs on to the net, and sees his email alert first up. She reads the email intensely, understands its implications and his feelings completely, but does not provide any immediate response. May be, she wants her silence to speak for herself. May be she is lost for words, may be she has begun to love him more than ever before. May be her eyes are wet with tears. May be she still has some duties left to perform……

Creating a quota for “Youth”……

Emphasizing and affirming the fact that age has never been a hindrance for Indian politicians, a recent publication states that India is a country with the oldest Head of State, as well as the oldest ministerial cabinet among 15 of the largest economies in the world.

At 78, our PM is only one of the two septuagenarians on that list. At an average age of 64 years, the Indian Cabinet is almost 2.5 times as old as the average Indian populace, which is 26 years. This is far greater than most of the developed economies where the difference in age is only about a decade or so. Due to this palpable age difference, there is a huge disconnect between the leadership and the people. Apart from this, dynastic politics too is a massive hurdle to youth finding expression. This may also block reform in any direction.

Just like reservation for women is becoming a hot topic for discussion these days, perhaps we also need to think in terms of reservation for youth, leaving out the creamy layer of those who come with dynastic connections. This would certainly help in developing new young leaders, which would certainly improve the quality of the leadership we get.