I was not present in “Udayachal” on the morning following marriage day, which was on the 4th of August. Hence I did not witness the “Bashi Biye” ritual, where the bride and the groom customarily revisit the mandap on which they got married and worship sun-god. At 5 in the evening, Chotka, Tum and I reached “Udayachal” to bring home the bride and the groom to Beadon Street.
Soon after, the process of “Vidai” commenced from the bride’s family, with a heavy heart and teary eyes. Their dearest daughter, with whom they had stayed, and shared their all, would leave forever, to spend the rest of her life with her partner. All elders started to give their blessings to the couple, which they humbly accepted. It was a corpulent emotional moment for Archi, but she was unbelievably steady and enduring. There was no teary outburst and no ostentatious expressions of grief from her side, and hence her family also controlled themselves well. She camouflaged her sorrow in an extremely matured manner. Let everyone be assured that not many brides can do that.
After the blessings were rendered and received, the bride’s family surrounded the groom like a pack of wolves would do when they see a rabbit – all for the sake of a small monetary token. This is also a practice that is prevalent in Bengali marriages. Legend goes that the groom, before taking the bride, has to pay some amount to his in-laws, especially to brothers, sisters and cousins, failing which he would not be allowed to leave! In one word, it is extortion in a very good and humorous spirit. After extensive bargaining, Mausam and his in-laws settled for a paltry sum of Rs 5001/-.
We left “Udayachal” at about 7 pm and reached Beadon Street at about 7.45. Bubu’s mother did the welcoming ceremony (“Boron”) and right up front, Archi was handed a small live fish to hold. A pitcher filled with milk was being heated in a small wood lit fire nearby, and the custom was that as soon as the milk would boil and overflow, the bride would come in. Unfortunately, the milk took about 40 minutes to simmer, and Archi was made to wait with the live fish in hand, in that sapping humidity. At the same time, a plate containing lac dye and milk was also placed near the feet of the bride.
As soon as the milk simmered, people exploded in ecstasy, and Archi was asked to put her two feet on the plate. She did so, and her subsequent steps up to the drawing room were on top of a white cloth. This particular custom, where one captures the footprints of the bride, is symbolic of the arrival of Goddess Lakshmi into the household, bringing peace, prosperity and wealth. That particular night was also supposed to be “Kaal Ratri” where the couple is supposed to sleep not only in separate rooms, but also not look at each other.
“Boubhat” was held on the afternoon of 5th of August. Here, at lunchtime, the bride (Bou) is supposed to serve cooked rice (Bhat) to the groom’s entire family. Archi did that diligently. In the evening, a grand reception was organized in Ramdoolal Niwas, 67E Beadon Street, popularly known as “Thakur Bari” in the Deb household.
However, to start with, and contrary to the expectations of lesser mortals, the attraction of the evening was my respected father-in-law and mother-in-law and not the newly wed couple. Incidentally, 5th August 2011 was their 30th marriage anniversary as well, and what a grand occasion it was to celebrate that moment. Bubu had ordered a humongous four-storey cake a month back, but had not informed his parents about it, but Kuhu and I knew about it. It was supposed to be a big SURPRISE, and it turned out to be that way. At 7.30 pm, when some guests had already arrived, I had the privilege to announce to the audience about the occasion, which many of them were not aware of. The cake was cut by “Shoshur Moshai and Shashuri Maa” and to their dismay, we made them exchange garlands as well, reliving their moments of past glory. It was after this that the actual reception party started to gather steam.
There were around 650 people on that evening inside Ramdoolal Niwas, and all the soft drinks and fruit juices were exhausted. Due to the hot weather and sapping humidity, people could not eat much, and a lot of food was left over. After the guests left, Mum Mum, Mitul, Rituporna boudi and I, gathered all gifts collected during the evening and brought it back to Bubu’s bedroom. Kuhu and a few others were decorating the bed with flowers for the Flower Bed Ceremony (“Ful Shojja”). For the newly wed couple, that is the night for consummation.
After putting the gifts inside the room, Mitul, Mum Mum and I left for our respective homes, but Kuhu stayed on. To add to the drama, the unbearably hot and sultry eight days of build-up, the marriage itself, and reception culminated in heavy torrential showers and lightening at midnight that day. Somebody said that the rain gods were waiting for Bubu’s marriage to get over before they poured. It was an apt statement.
To make matters worse, the rains did not stop till four days after the reception, and the streets were water logged. Two days later, Kuhu, my mother-in-law and I drove to Dakshineswar temple on the banks of the Ganges amidst heavy rain and offered puja to Goddess Kali. On the day we were supposed to come back to Bangalore, it rained heavily as well and our SUV almost got stuck in the water at Rajarhat.
It was a tremendously eventful ten days at Kolkata and it was a wonderful feeling to relive those memories and pen it down in three posts. Hope the readers enjoyed it !!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Mausam’s Marriage…D-Day
After all the exciting build-up that I had talked about in my last post, D-day finally arrived. The day started with “Dodhi Mangal” at the stroke of dawn. According to custom, seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ritual) are supposed to take the groom on the banks of the Ganga, invoke mother Ganges and invite her to the marriage, take a pitcher of water from the river and come back and feed the groom with the holy water, sweet curd (Dodhi) and rice. However, over the centuries, all customs get diluted and this is no different. Although I was not present in person, I am almost certain that even on this instance, the groom was only fed with water, curd and rice by seven ladies, and the Ganges trip was bypassed !
In Bengali marriages, it has also traditionally been a custom to have a kid groom/bride (“Nitbor/Nitkone” respectively) participating in some of the rituals along with the groom/bride. In Bubu’s case it had to be a “Nitbor”, and, our very own Roadu turned out to be excellent in that role. He was a cute little 6-year old cousin of Bubu’s, and was never overawed by the occasion. He seemed to enjoy the limelight of a hundred cameras and eyes.
The first major attraction of the day was the “Gae Holud” ceremony. Bubu and Roadu were made to dress up in a white dhoti, with a small “gamcha” put over their shoulders. Seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ceremony, although they may witness it) then started to apply turmeric (holud) paste on the faces and chests of Bubu and Roadu with some small rituals. These two guys, also had a “Topor” on, which is a customary headgear supposed to be worn by the groom and the kid groom on marriage day.
After the ceremony concluded, Chotka, Kukai, I and a few others were scheduled to leave for the bride’s house with “Totto” - an assortment of gifts that is sent to the bride’s house from the groom’s house before the wedding ritual. This is also known as “Gae Holud Totto.” Just before leaving however, one of our elderly ladies put a handful of turmeric paste on my face, and unfortunately, most of it spilled on to my white kurta. I did not have an alternative dress at that point of time, and in the heat of the moment I lost my cool a bit. Finally, I did change my dress and mood, got a fresh kurta on, and left for the bride’s house. The morning was already turning out to be quite an eventful one.
The next pre-wedding custom was supposed to be “Vriddhi” or “Nannimukh”. This event actually happened soon after we left for the bride’s house, and hence I was not able to witness it. In “Vriddhi”, homage is paid to ancestors by either the father of the groom or, his paternal uncle. I do not know who performed it in the end, but whoever did, had to be in a liquid diet whole day.
When we reached Archi’s (the bride) house, her father was performing the “Vriddhi” for their ancestors. We were given a grand reception, and the gifts were welcomed with a lot of appreciation and smiles. We were offered sweets, beverages and even lunch. However, we left their place just before lunch time. A different, but equally elaborate and exotic set of gifts, known as “Adhibas Totto” was also expected to be sent from the bride’s house to the groom’s house, a day after the marriage.
We were scheduled to leave, with the groom and the kid groom, to the bride’s place at about 7 pm. The marriage ceremony was expected to start at about 8.30pm. From 5 pm, the dressing-up started among the ladies. Sarees, jewelleries and cosmetics were all over the place. Complete pandemonium prevailed. Three of us including the groom were dumped in one of the corner rooms for our embellishment. Most of us including the groom wore “kochano dhuti” along with lovely exotic silk “Punjabis” (Kurta). A dew white I-20 was reserved for the groom, kid groom, the groom’s father, the priest and the barber (in our marriages, a barber, known as “Napit”, is also an integral part). The car was beautifully adorned with flowers and it was a royal departure.
All relatives travelling from our side for the marriage, known as “Bor Jatri”, dispersed themselves into different cars, some hired and some personal. Kuhu and I got inside Arijit’s Fiat Punto. Bubu’s journey towards a new phase of his life got off to a worse possible start when their I-20 was badly hit at its rear by a bus. It was terrible news upfront. Luckily for us, nobody was injured, but the car was damaged to a great extent.
After all the drama, we reached “Udayachal”, the venue for the marriage ceremony at about 8.15 pm. The groom was welcomed with blowing conch shells and ululation. Archi’s mother performed all the welcome rituals, as part of blessings and as part reverence, to mark this auspicious moment. After a few minutes, the “Ashirbaad porbo” (blessings to the groom and bride, separately in two rooms) started. At around 9 pm, the actual marriage ceremony started and it went on for about just over an hour. At about 10.30 pm, Archi and Mausam were pronounced husband and wife.
Photo sessions, fun, gossip and socializing happened in that two-hour time slot right from the time we came in to the time marriage concluded. After dinner, the groom, the bride and around ten people, including friends and a few very close relatives sat down in a big hall together. This phenomenon is known as “Bashor”. According to custom, on this night, the couple is not allowed to sleep together, and the relatives, through fun and frolic, see to it that practice is followed.
I remember, it was sapping humid that night, and still we had a lot of fun. We chatted almost whole night, we sang songs, and Kukai had a sip of Vodka with sprite. At 5 am, the rest of the group went to sleep but myself and Arijit decided that we would come back home. That was because we had to come back to receive the groom and the bride from Udayachal that evening itself, and for that we needed to be fresh. For me, the best place to freshen up has always been my house in Hindusthan Park, and so I decided to have it that way. Arijit dropped me to a nearby bus stop and at about 5.30am I took a bus for home. I reached home at about 6.30 am and went off to deep slumber.
It was a tremendous last 24 hours, with laughter, boiling tempers, songs, fun, frolic, hard work, drinks, food and activity. The arrival of Archi in Beadon Street, the reception party and a few surprises were still in store for us. More of that in my next post !!
In Bengali marriages, it has also traditionally been a custom to have a kid groom/bride (“Nitbor/Nitkone” respectively) participating in some of the rituals along with the groom/bride. In Bubu’s case it had to be a “Nitbor”, and, our very own Roadu turned out to be excellent in that role. He was a cute little 6-year old cousin of Bubu’s, and was never overawed by the occasion. He seemed to enjoy the limelight of a hundred cameras and eyes.
The first major attraction of the day was the “Gae Holud” ceremony. Bubu and Roadu were made to dress up in a white dhoti, with a small “gamcha” put over their shoulders. Seven married women (men, single women, spinsters and widows are strictly not allowed to participate in this ceremony, although they may witness it) then started to apply turmeric (holud) paste on the faces and chests of Bubu and Roadu with some small rituals. These two guys, also had a “Topor” on, which is a customary headgear supposed to be worn by the groom and the kid groom on marriage day.
After the ceremony concluded, Chotka, Kukai, I and a few others were scheduled to leave for the bride’s house with “Totto” - an assortment of gifts that is sent to the bride’s house from the groom’s house before the wedding ritual. This is also known as “Gae Holud Totto.” Just before leaving however, one of our elderly ladies put a handful of turmeric paste on my face, and unfortunately, most of it spilled on to my white kurta. I did not have an alternative dress at that point of time, and in the heat of the moment I lost my cool a bit. Finally, I did change my dress and mood, got a fresh kurta on, and left for the bride’s house. The morning was already turning out to be quite an eventful one.
The next pre-wedding custom was supposed to be “Vriddhi” or “Nannimukh”. This event actually happened soon after we left for the bride’s house, and hence I was not able to witness it. In “Vriddhi”, homage is paid to ancestors by either the father of the groom or, his paternal uncle. I do not know who performed it in the end, but whoever did, had to be in a liquid diet whole day.
When we reached Archi’s (the bride) house, her father was performing the “Vriddhi” for their ancestors. We were given a grand reception, and the gifts were welcomed with a lot of appreciation and smiles. We were offered sweets, beverages and even lunch. However, we left their place just before lunch time. A different, but equally elaborate and exotic set of gifts, known as “Adhibas Totto” was also expected to be sent from the bride’s house to the groom’s house, a day after the marriage.
We were scheduled to leave, with the groom and the kid groom, to the bride’s place at about 7 pm. The marriage ceremony was expected to start at about 8.30pm. From 5 pm, the dressing-up started among the ladies. Sarees, jewelleries and cosmetics were all over the place. Complete pandemonium prevailed. Three of us including the groom were dumped in one of the corner rooms for our embellishment. Most of us including the groom wore “kochano dhuti” along with lovely exotic silk “Punjabis” (Kurta). A dew white I-20 was reserved for the groom, kid groom, the groom’s father, the priest and the barber (in our marriages, a barber, known as “Napit”, is also an integral part). The car was beautifully adorned with flowers and it was a royal departure.
All relatives travelling from our side for the marriage, known as “Bor Jatri”, dispersed themselves into different cars, some hired and some personal. Kuhu and I got inside Arijit’s Fiat Punto. Bubu’s journey towards a new phase of his life got off to a worse possible start when their I-20 was badly hit at its rear by a bus. It was terrible news upfront. Luckily for us, nobody was injured, but the car was damaged to a great extent.
After all the drama, we reached “Udayachal”, the venue for the marriage ceremony at about 8.15 pm. The groom was welcomed with blowing conch shells and ululation. Archi’s mother performed all the welcome rituals, as part of blessings and as part reverence, to mark this auspicious moment. After a few minutes, the “Ashirbaad porbo” (blessings to the groom and bride, separately in two rooms) started. At around 9 pm, the actual marriage ceremony started and it went on for about just over an hour. At about 10.30 pm, Archi and Mausam were pronounced husband and wife.
Photo sessions, fun, gossip and socializing happened in that two-hour time slot right from the time we came in to the time marriage concluded. After dinner, the groom, the bride and around ten people, including friends and a few very close relatives sat down in a big hall together. This phenomenon is known as “Bashor”. According to custom, on this night, the couple is not allowed to sleep together, and the relatives, through fun and frolic, see to it that practice is followed.
I remember, it was sapping humid that night, and still we had a lot of fun. We chatted almost whole night, we sang songs, and Kukai had a sip of Vodka with sprite. At 5 am, the rest of the group went to sleep but myself and Arijit decided that we would come back home. That was because we had to come back to receive the groom and the bride from Udayachal that evening itself, and for that we needed to be fresh. For me, the best place to freshen up has always been my house in Hindusthan Park, and so I decided to have it that way. Arijit dropped me to a nearby bus stop and at about 5.30am I took a bus for home. I reached home at about 6.30 am and went off to deep slumber.
It was a tremendous last 24 hours, with laughter, boiling tempers, songs, fun, frolic, hard work, drinks, food and activity. The arrival of Archi in Beadon Street, the reception party and a few surprises were still in store for us. More of that in my next post !!
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